Urgent Grooming Lover Pillows

"Can you just give me a quick trim?"

'Something for the weekend, Sir?'

"Renk just discovered beard oil."

Use the body brush vigorously - he will enjoy it.

'You can't be serious! They wash you by dipping you in a tub of water! That's horrible!'

"Don't shave it. It gives your face character."

"Be creative...!"

"Absolutely not!"

'The siege is working my lord. They have food and water but no beard oil. I reckon they will surrender in 12 hours or less'

Dating is so expensive...

Emergency Hipster Beard

A daily rubdown with a beard brush will wrangle awkward bristles and train them downwards...

'Wrinkles can't breathe in mud.'

'We've got a special this week on nose hairs!'

"Face it, Clive - you're bald."

"Same goash-darn thing every full moon, eh, Mr. Harper?"

"Do you have any of that after shave that makes me look like Brad Pitt?"

The Cat Spa

'Done the first, now shower, shave.' - The bear essentials.

"It's really quite simple: Shave off the soul patch and the car is yours."

"You're fortunate. Stubble looks really good on you."

Movember

'...so I simply combined my love of beards with my love of tattoos and this was the result!'

"Nice haircut."

"I'm not saying your after shave smells bad, but.. maybe you should use one mosquitoes don't like so much!"

"Dear Diary: Today I ate, groomed, napped. Ate, groomed, napped. Ate, groomed, napped ... HAIRBALL!!"

'Straight eye for the queer guy.'

Hair Traffic control.

'Reach up and fold down into Uttanasa.' - 'Notice how you feel both physically and spiritually.' - 'Physically, I feel that my toenails are a bit too long.' - 'Hmmm... okay, what about spiritually?'

'Have you had a brazilian?'

Peak Beard/High Peak Beard

Square Cut

'Doris,I told you not to use that sweet smelling Hair spray.'

'To grow a good beard, have good dental habits. First, brush with a concave brush to clean the teeth's facial surfaces. Then use a convex brush to reach flat surfaces. Then use a scalloped brush to be chic. Then floss to clean between teeth. Then use ...