Upscale Traveler Gifts

"We invest in the market, winter in the Alps, summer in the Hamptons, and vote for the Donald. That's it in the nutshell."

"First class, or with children?"

'I want to visit the very EDGE of civilisation, to explore the BRUTAL shores of natures most REMOTE regions. If you could manage that with a five star hotel and first class travel it would be perfect.'

'Next year I'm hiring a tank!'

'At this time, we would like to call those passengers who feel compelled to board before their row numbers are announced.'

The Desert Island Package

"You can enhance your experience in first class by signing up to get live updates of how miserable everyone in coach is."

"We're at the Grand Marina Hotel in Barcelona. Some sheepdog you turned out to be."

"One day he went for a swim in our infinity pool, and I haven't seen him since."

The Queen Mary 2: World's largest ocean liner.

'It's very exclusive - if you bump into a celebrity you get a full refund.'

"This patient must be really rich! He brought back the most extravagant illnesses from exotic holiday spots."

'And upon landing the pilot will give everyone in first class a hug.'

Turtle Home

Tourist sunbathing on Easter Island beach

Edna's Couch and Breakfast.

Commuter on the Orient Express

"We'd like a quiet table for two where my wife can justify spending three grand on a handbag."

'Can't I just travel on my learjet and have fun on my yacht and quit the stupid, boring political part of my presidency?'

"I know all about the rising costs of rent, utilities and food. I was thinking about it on the company jet on the way to my holiday house on the Cote D'Azur, but I'm afraid the company is under too much financial pressure to give you a raise."

"This is the life -- I'm never travelling Economy again!"

"There's a notice from the co-op board. Would we be interested in playing softball on the Great Lawn?"

The Galaxy's guide to Hitchhikers...Captain Hook.

'Tomorrow morning I would like breakfast in bed.'

Private Jet

"Tonight we'll make love in the shadows of the great pyramids."

Mexicans always drink their tequila with a lemon and a little salt!

No sooner had he taken the shot when the elephant suddenly charged him!

Witch's broom with a luggage compartment.

'No - I'll give the underlay a miss.'

Private Jet

Alternative Airport

"Do you ever have days when you just don't feel like designing jewelry?"

'Maybe we should have ordered bottled water.'

"I want to explore the brutal and true civilisation, to explore lands on troubled by tourist boards, and if you could sort five-star accommodation and decent Wi-Fi that would be perfect."