Upscale Living Dreamer Gifts

Turtle Home

"As I understand it, after this scaffolding comes down the city will be done."

"Why do they call it rush hour when no one goes anywhere?"

"I cancelled the cable, turned off the phone, shut down the internet. . . where the hell am I??"

I'm looking forward tot he day we can afford some real statues for this place.

Private Jet

"So...do you have a job now?"

"Son, one day two hundred square feet of this city could be yours to rent."

"They lead a simple life - they don't even put gas in their cars."

"It's nice, but does it have a batcave?"

"Don't these fools realize they're violating every principle of feng-shui?"

"It all started when I didn't grow up in a palatial estate."

"I aways thought it would be stylish to live in a house with high ceilings."

"I know by outward standard I'm successful, but a voice inside my head keeps saying, 'Where's your private plane?"

Entering New York City - Check it out

"Usually when a person is stranded on an island, they make a grass hut. Apparently, you're more resourceful than that."

"Real estate values soar, cute boutiques proliferate, fine cuisine abounds. These are exciting times to live in Hoboken."

twist building

Eric Adams Caricature

"It was going to be a high-rise office building. But after three bricks, they ran out of money."

"Sorry, Kevin, but having the wi-fi down for a couple of hour is not 'living off the grid'."

"When I grow up I'm going to become president and I'm going to abolish homework!"

"We'd like a quiet table for two where my wife can justify spending three grand on a handbag."

Tourist Attractions

"We've decided to add forty floors."

ACME Mutton Co.

Urban Compost Heap.

Tugboat pulls along a rubber duck.

'We lost funding.'

'You can't use the elevator as guestroom!'

I've got a problem – with me. Counseling costs extra. I always hated BMW owners. But one day I woke up and realized I drive a Saab. People who vacation in the Hamptons give me hives, but I've got a summer spot in Santa Cruz. I protested against big corporate oil companies … wearing a North Face jacket and Nike high tops! Don't you realize what I've become? I'm an upwardly mobile hippy! Death to the huppy. Hates fancy coffee drinks, loves soy milk.

A businessman sits at his desk behind a nameplate that reads "R. T. Nelson - Elevation: 482 ft."

It's my manifesto on living "off the grid," mainly compiled from my blog, tweets and Facebook posts.

Yes, well, when you're grown up and king, your castle can have an indoor heated moat.

Manhattan Cat atop the The Rock