Upper-class Parody Lover Gifts

"I like everything about this neighborhood except the people who can afford to live here."

"Don't get strung out by the way I look, don't judge a book by its cover."

Godzillla eating people using telephone poles as chopsticks.

E-Baying @ The Moon

"Gone with the wind with cats" "Frankly, my dear, I don't give a damn." "Me neither, who cares—let's take a nap."

"... And this one needs a shot of vodka."

The creature from the trailer by the dried-up lagoon.

"A whack, whack here. A whack, whack there. Here a whack, there a whack. Everywhere a whack, whack."

Little Red Riding Carpet

"Stick Figure" "Stick Figure II" "Stick Figures" "Stick Figure: The Reawakening"

"There isn't a siege. We're all in line for the bouncy castle."

'Look, Bernie, all I'm saying is I think you're riding the new guy pretty hard.'

'Even More Disciples'

Vampire collects bottles of blood from his doorstep.

'No, you weren't there. But in your expert opinion as a certified brainiac, do you think he did it?'

National Liberty and Tax Codes.

"Helen. I think the dog wants to go out."

"Planet of the puppies"

'So, ten thousand pounds could be yours if you call in and answer this question...Why the hell aren't you in bed?!'

Great Poets of Catalogdom

"Let's try it again. Hand over your wallet, and this time, don't try anything funny."

"Would someone dim the lights? I'm about to launch into the paranoid and conspiratorial portion of my report."

"You have reached the Office of Status Quo. Relax. No need to listen carefully. Our menu options never change."

"The first rule of mime club is: You don’t talk about mime club."

How to deliver a baby grand.

Missing Daylight: So dark. So cold.