Upholstery Mugs

'It's a thousand pities you had to miss those final weeks of your upholstery class.'

The Upholstery Consultant

"It looks like our house got sick and threw up the attic."

"This realm isn't big enough for both of our killer outfits."

Leda knew it was serious when the visited Ikea together.

'For our next party, let's invite a carpenter, a painter and an upholsterer so they can help us clean up afterward.'

The Move.

David wasn't sure about the idea of having denim curtains.

Fred's Tie: A Momentary Lapse of Judgement or A Cry For Help?

'Now I don't know what it's like in New York, but this is Kansas city, and we follow the laws of physics out here.'

'I like this one. Does it come in a backwards version?'

"You're always so depressed, Tom."

'This caught my eye; Johann Sebastian needs new study curtains - and he does like a good pattern.'

"I didn't start seriously accessorizing until my mid-thirties."

Butterfly Woman

"I've been researching a little furniture company that I'd like to rearrange."

"I've up cycled your Chippendale!"

Santa checking out sleigh beds.

Bad Outfit Alarm.

"Staying true to our mission, even our security cameras have rose colored lenses."

Coming home to an empty apartment made him realize just how much he needed stuff.

Man to patient on couch: 'I'd like to help, but I'm not a psychiatrist, I'm an upholsterer.'

Her Flag project near completion, Betsy Ross ponders a patriotic way to represent the colonies when inspiration suddenly strikes her.

'I miss my water bed.'

The reason you will never catch up with your paperwork is that late at night, in a nest of shredded manila folders, your most important files have babies.

"It's just now starting to get comfortable. Why would I want to buy a new chair?"

'Oooh the Timpsons have got new blinds.' (Blinds read 'Sod off you nosy cow).

"Thanks. I feel much better now."

Evacuation Route.

"I got a little confused in the middle of the surgery, but on the whole I think the upholster-plaster was a terrific success."

"Honey, those shoes are terrific!" "...That should get me through the week."

'Manna from heaven puts the olfactory talents of Israel's dogs to the test.'

'Who knew you could have vanity wings!'