Update Junkie T-Shirts

'He's gone into Olympic update overload!'

'He's gone into Olympic update overload!'

'The wheel was great, but what have you done for me lately?'

Trial by Media

Department of No One Could Have Anticipated.

"The Net National Product rose slightly last month."

Enhanced Pedophilia Interrogation Techniques

Trump Administration Raising White Flag in Ukraine

"And just like that, e got rid of Florida."

'In its new 'spirit of evenhandedness,' the U. S. Government today sent troops to occupy all foreign countries....'

Who will determine Venezuela's future?

Squeezing the Free Press.

"Would you like me to annotate that for you?"

'Can't they just switch to smaller barrels?'

"Good" "Bad" "Work on it" "Keep working - maybe it's not as bad as you think it is" "Put it to a committee" "Give up" "Make it worse" "Make it better" "Still a bad idea" "Overthink it" "Throw yourself into a pit of wild badgers" "Throw it away" "Call it done" "Sigh."

"What I do is pick up the morning paper, go through it carefully, and then, depending on how I feel about things, I either say the Pledge of Allegiance, stand there and do nothing, or walk out of the classroom."

Trump pardons

This is Lenny the leopard with the on-the-spot news.

DO Not Disturb (Except For Meals)

"Who's got the hammer?"

"Away with the warmonger!"

"Well, how do things look from where you sit?"

Airline Debts: Layoffs to help us stay afloat.

News and Magazines. Celebrity gossip. Sports scandals. Political bickering. We're out of the "information age" and well into the "too much information age"!

'Mighty strange weather tonight, followed by downright weird tomorrow....'

National Everything Awareness Day

"And now here's Cathie with the hypothetical portion of the news."

"Excellent, excellent. A fine blend of truths, half-truths, and blatant falsehoods."

Donald Trump Removing Aggressor Label From Vladimir Putin

The economy.

Ahem. I'm eating. Not now, please. Just one tiny question. Believers I American exceptionalism have always said we're the paragon of democracy. So I'm just wondering … How come one party is passing unnecessary laws that'll keep millions of us from voting? They're robbing us of our voice! Could've surprised me.

BBC - Crisis Management, Damage Control and Liability Supervision.

"See..? We told you there was nothing there..."

"...And do you Sean Spicer take Kelly Anne Conway..." "The marriage of alternative facts"

Difference of Opinion