News Junkie T-Shirts

"Alexa, what fresh hell are we in for today?"

Difference of Opinion

Misinformation Pandemic

"Nation-wise, we're in a pickle."

"Today, stocks dropped on news the new federal reserve chief, Janet Yellen, is a 'rookie'."

House Intelligence Committee

Private Eye Editor Ian Hislop

"We mapped out the Trump motorcade route to the White House."

Lukashenko visited Putin in Sochi

"You've increased your prices again! Why?" "Take your pick..."

'Fred, I want you to sanitize this, punch it up, dumb it down, leak it to the media and then be fully prepared to deny it!'

"I'm sorry, Jeannie, your answer was correct, but Kevin shouted his incorrect answer over yours, so he gets the points."

'I don't understand your question. Could you restate it as an answer?'

Strictly off the record.

"That was Brad with the Democratic weather. Now here's Tammy with the Republican weather."

'By the way, is this off the record?'

'We don't have the answer, but we're really getting off on the attention.'

'A World energy crisis is looming' "I blame the billions in the 3rd world wanting to get what we've got!"

'Hey, that line's moving a lot faster!'

The News Cycle

Newspaper headlines - Butters kills, Margarine kills.

Gettysburg Address, "Now can we have it as a sound bite ?"

'Do you want to be manipulated by the left wing media or the right wing media?'

Man with megaphone lobbying parliament.

'The government announced that to reduce the budget deficit, it will move the decimal two points to the left.'

Phoney world view

"Remember how I said I was happiest when we had nothing?"

'Experts today predicted natural disasters so devastating that only the rich and powerful will survive...'

'When you take out food, energy...inflation remained at a 20 year low.'

"I find wearing a mask helps."

'We do want to warn you that this news has yet to be spun, so you may have to formulate your own opinion.'

'That was close! I almost answered a question I was asked.'

'Oh my God! Brace yourselves! . . . Wait - this just in: everything's fine. . . for now'

"We hope you've enjoyed the year in review!"

"No comment."