Mobile Junkie T-Shirts

Cellphone eye test.

Trial by Media

"The Net National Product rose slightly last month."

Department of No One Could Have Anticipated.

Enhanced Pedophilia Interrogation Techniques

Trump Administration Raising White Flag in Ukraine

"And just like that, e got rid of Florida."

Who will determine Venezuela's future?

'In its new 'spirit of evenhandedness,' the U. S. Government today sent troops to occupy all foreign countries....'

Squeezing the Free Press.

"Would you like me to annotate that for you?"

'Can't they just switch to smaller barrels?'

"Let me just check my email, my texts, my missed calls, Instagram, Facebook, Twitter, WhatsApp, my credit score, my horoscope, the results of this latest personality test, the S. & P., the Dow, the news, this article about cute dogs, and the weather, and then we can go."

This is Lenny the leopard with the on-the-spot news.

Trump pardons

"What I do is pick up the morning paper, go through it carefully, and then, depending on how I feel about things, I either say the Pledge of Allegiance, stand there and do nothing, or walk out of the classroom."

DO Not Disturb (Except For Meals)

"Who's got the hammer?"

Airline Debts: Layoffs to help us stay afloat.

"Away with the warmonger!"

"Well, how do things look from where you sit?"

News and Magazines. Celebrity gossip. Sports scandals. Political bickering. We're out of the "information age" and well into the "too much information age"!

'Mighty strange weather tonight, followed by downright weird tomorrow....'

National Everything Awareness Day

"And now here's Cathie with the hypothetical portion of the news."

"Excellent, excellent. A fine blend of truths, half-truths, and blatant falsehoods."

"...And do you Sean Spicer take Kelly Anne Conway..." "The marriage of alternative facts"

Donald Trump Removing Aggressor Label From Vladimir Putin

The economy.

Ahem. I'm eating. Not now, please. Just one tiny question. Believers I American exceptionalism have always said we're the paragon of democracy. So I'm just wondering … How come one party is passing unnecessary laws that'll keep millions of us from voting? They're robbing us of our voice! Could've surprised me.

BBC - Crisis Management, Damage Control and Liability Supervision.

Difference of Opinion

'Fred, I want you to sanitize this, punch it up, dumb it down, leak it to the media and then be fully prepared to deny it!'

Studies show foods work miracles!

"Could you please focus on the objective of this meeting, Tom... you can get back to your 300 followers later."