Upbringing Strategist T-Shirts

"We want one that's genetically gifted but not genetically spoiled."

A Puppet Named Juan

"Will you be putting her in day care or bringing her up artisanally?"

"I have a feeling he understands more than we think."

I figured out how we can pay for the kids' college tuitions. Do tell. I'm going to leave for a year of self-discovery, which I will chronicle in a best-selling memoir. Oh, but

'How do you like my fantasy weekend so far?'

'Your classroom management techniques work in practice but not in theory. That worries me.'

'She'll never look for me here.'

"So what's this special distracting tactic you've developed?"

'You both know the rules -- walk 1 paces, turn, and tee off on each other.'

"I finally cleaned my room. You don't think she'll look in the yard, do you?"

'This will be tough. The parents can handle Bs and Cs, but I really gotta spin this D in math.'

"In my class, I'm not interested in grades. I'm interested in you becoming a better person!"

'If Mom says no, you ask Dad -- it's called the 'checks and balances' system.'

I rule by fear.

'I am constantly diversifying my toy portfolio.'

Hard Hat Area/Hard Nosed Area.

'Dad, I don't need a two-thirds majority to over-ride your veto. I've got mom.'

'We can't move in with my parents - they've moved in with grandma!'

"The time has come to talk of many things; of shoes and ships and sealing wax, of double-entry bookkeeping, too."

"Anyone can dream the impossible dream. We need to sell the impossible dream."

"Game of checkers? Okay, but I'm watching every move you make."

Noughts and crosses hugging and kissing.

By teaching the parrot a few key phrases, Marilyn no longer needs to nag her kids.

'If you're happy to demand feed we'll get along just fine.'

"Terri and Kip make up our crazy dreamer imagineering department. Al is our get-realinator."

'That's the bell for round two.'

'If you know what's good for you Allan, you'll let me pass.'

"Sergio, I think you've done a great job raising the children."

CX909708

"When can I redeploy?"

"It's your job to work hard and get good grades, David. It's my job to make your mother laugh."

'I do set limits. For example, he wasn't allowed to use the tablet computer until after he downloaded a potty training app.'

"Remember - kindergarten is an excellent opportunity to make connections for first grade."

"Maybe I can be a campaign worker."