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The Quack Quack Diaries: Quack Quack Goes To College

Grad School Parent-Teacher Conference

'I got 100 in school today. 50 in history and 50 in maths.'

'So what are you studying, young man?'

"I'm taking 'moving back in with the parents' studies."

"No, I'm not the first in my family to attend college. But I am the first at an Ivy."

'Thirty years in academia and all I got was this chair.'

"What did you study in school today, Gracie?"

Dear folks. Well, you were right; being the prettiest gator of the Everglades hasn't helped me one bit.'

"I wanted to deliver a message of hope and tolerance in a complex global society but I decided to update them on the Kardashians instead."

"Professor Van Winkle, the university has instituted Reevaluation of Tenure, time to wake up."

"Professor Williams had at first been reluctant to join the Assistant Deans in their Think Great Thoughts aerobics. He later came to enjoy the activity."

"Graduates, faculty, parents, creditors..."

'Dude, you gotta lay off the Mac n' Cheese!'

'When I was your age, an 'A' did not stand for 'adequate'.'

"I've got news for you. Kids don't have a union and doing your homework is not negotiable."

Undergraduate and don

Breakfast at Universities

"I'd like to propose a bill to the effect that we can remain freshmen indefinitely."

"This looks cool, Mum, a university offering a degree course in Greed."

"Can't hear it at all, miss."

'My son is away at college, majoring in communications. He never calls and he never writes.'

"Phil's a living legend on this campus. His last grant proposal won a Pulitzer."

The Pi Advantage

'If we could just get rid of a few of these lecturers and students, we'd have a great university on our hands.'

"Let me guess, you joined Alpha Delta Dogma"

'I recommend you major in something other than meat.'

"Here's my final exam. My lawyer said I didn't have to answer any of these questions."

"I don't care whay they do at college, you'll scrub them off at once"

"Are you nuts? If we say we've found the sun is a White Hole we'll lose our funding!"

'I think we've found your problem. It's a Yale lock, but you have a Harvard key.'

She'll probably get in through clearing.

"Sorry, this is NOT a school, it is a university: we have an entrance exam..."

'Yes, your father studied at a 'red brick university'. He never graduated though, because he's as thick as a red brick!'

Girl sees two vending machines: 'Pop' and 'Culture'