University Fundraiser Attendance Pillows

"Dad, the dean has gone over your financial statement, and he doesn't think you're working up to your full potential."

"We only got six days of funding."

'Due to the poor response to the roof repair fund we cannot afford to lift the rafters when rejoicing in song.'

"Bad things happen to people who don't buy my cookies, Sir."

"Is there any way I can un-drink this wine?"

"You can either make a pledge or join us in this weekend's Barkathon."

"I'm in nonprofit work for the money."

"He says he wants to see the actual brick he donated."

'The best grants lie that-a-ways, Ma'am.'

'Al, this is Jack. He's with the Committee to Eliminate the Board of Education. Jack, this is Al. He's with the Committee to Increase Funding for the Board of Education.'

The Janitor at the Harvard University Alumni Reunion is one of the Gang.

"Giving is down at the church, so we are charging an entrance fee."

Baseball players and their qualifications.

"I'll match donations when you match my tax payments."

"Congratulations Professor, the committee 'okayed' your grant request."

'And now, concerning the special collection...'

The nonprofit dog fight.

'Sorry - I only donate big.'

'I'm getting a head start for Movember.'

"The nonprofit competitive grant season begins

'You talk about her so much. Why don't you invite that Alma Mater of yours to dinner sometime?'

"What are we doing wrong?"

'Please help, ma'am. I need support to write my Ph.D. dissertation on 'Successful fund-raising techniques'.'

'Evolution may be a good idea, but how will we FUND it?'

Appeals

'Let me introduce my biggest supporter, a real whale of a guy, a huge fan..'

'Profit or non-profit?'

"I am not a candidate. Just ask my campaign manager, press aides and fund raisers."

"We need volunteers for the car chasing fund raiser."

"I do a lot for charity but I don't like to talk about it. . ."

'So then the alien stepped out of the UFO and said that he was a fundraiser from another planet, which was quite novel, I thought.'

Professional Fund Riasers

'Evolution may be a good idea, but how will we FUND it?'

Birth of the Perpetual Fundraising Industry.

"It's meatloaf. We didn't make our Kickstarter goal for steak."