Event Attendance Pillows

Mr. Maynard, had you heard that Sean Hannity is coming to the Civic Auditorium? Naturally. I have two tickets to his speech. Would you like to join me? Would you like me to join you? Of course. That's why I asked. Good, then my ticket will be free. Well played, stingy entrepreneur. You're kind to notice.

"Is there any way I can un-drink this wine?"

Sloaney Pony.

"Thanks to my wedding planner, everyone in the wedding is still talking to each other."

'Yes! The momentum's going to shift now. Our home fan is starting to make some noise!'

'Would you be interested in attending a stress management seminar?'

Man at penthouse party walks out onto terrace and is startled to see the Earth, instead of the moon, shining in the sky.

"Well there's no way I'm going to say 'whom'!"

"Oh no! Oh no! Oh no! Oh no!"

'I'll take it!'

"Great news, I've booked you two stag nights, a hen party and fourteen solemn thanksgiving services for members of the theatrical profession"

'They're being damn noisy in the hospitality box next door,'

It was a good chance to get together and talk shop.

I am your BIGGEST fan!

'He hasn't missed a turnout in ten years!'

Recruitment Agency - Tips for getting that dream job.

Nothing puts the flavor in a hot dog like a sports event.

"You've got to blurb me to her."

'I think our mission statement should mention scholarship and attendance.'

'Marcy, Ted - so glad you could come! Let me direct you upstairs to the overflow room.'

"I know I was ecstatic to get tickets for Glastonbury - it's just that now I realise I have to go."

"Your party just totally blew us away."

'Sold! $287,500 to bidder #349!'

"Any apologies for absence?"

Upbeat conversation/downbeat conversation.

'All these conferences look the same.'

Non-Jewish Events and Jewish Events

"I couldn't find the giant scissors."

'This is Hargreaves - he's in charge of corporate hospitality.'

'I understand he hasn't missed a concert in 14 years.'

"Hold yer fire! It's just a t-shirt cannon!"

'I hope it's a quick knockout, I'm double parked.'

Olympic Catering: 'A small coffee please.'

Husband and wife at the races.

'She's just ring through - held up at the hairdressers.'