University Alumni Pillows

"Ogden, could you pull a string and get me one of those pictures of you naked at Yale?"

'I thought they told you that any donation, no matter how small, would be greatly appreciated.'

'I'm afraid that the top investment banks are looking for more from job applicants than a 'Top Degree from the University of Hard Knocks'.'

"Remember, education pays, unless you end up an adjunct - like me."

'If you're not confused then you realy don't know what's going on... !'

Meet the author

'In conclusion, I hope you all go out there, get well-paying jobs, and give lots of tax-deductible gifts to our alumni fund.'

Summa cum latte.

'You talk about her so much. Why don't you invite that Alma Mater of yours to dinner sometime?'

"Thank you for your service."

'An MBA from Harvard is quite impressive. But you'll still have to start off at the bottom here. You start serving coffee in the cafeteria on Monday.'

"Yeh, we met at University too, I was a Porter and Sharon was a cleaner."

"It does seem like a school-approved activity."

"Dad, I hold a professorship, in poetry at Harvard. I'm widely published. I'm well off. I'll retire in three years. The odds of me going into medicine at this point are slim to none."

"Uh-oh. I think they're having a Bryn Mawr moment."

No, it does still fit! This is exactly how it fit in college.

'Whoa! We sure blew that prediction!'

"It was a surprise. The college alumni solicitation letters never stop, even here!"

"He finally paid off his student loans."

Graduation.

Actually, College Tuition Does Pay

John Wooden.

"I'm afraid a qualification form the Univesity of Hard Knocks doesn't get you far in the biotechnology industry these days."

'Nice resume but graduating 'summa cum student loan' isn't really something to brag about.'

'You should be ashamed of yourself.'

'Remember, your success in life will be measure by how much you donate to your Alma Mater...'

"Someone must have read about me in the financial pages. My college alumni fund in contacting me twice a week."

"With its fabled architecture and lush landscaping, this is the kind of campus that you'll remember fondly as you move on to your office park cubicles."

I'm Googling a couple of old uni mates.

'Spreadbury! Never forget a face - 1957! Gave you a beating... good old school days, eh? Spreaders?'

'I think educated guesses are useless; they're nothing but I-don't-knows with a degree.'

Big Student Loan Debt And Nobody Will Hire Me Because I'm Overqualified.

"You call this a resume? The school you graduated from lost every football and basketball game this year."

"I was in college asking questions like 'What is the meaning of life'? I came out of college asking questions like 'Would you like fries with that'?"

"We're lucky the Peace Corps sent us a Princeton man."