Alumni Enthusiast Pillows

'In conclusion, I hope you all go out there, get well-paying jobs, and give lots of tax-deductible gifts to our alumni fund.'

"Someone must have read about me in the financial pages. My college alumni fund in contacting me twice a week."

"I want a top education, but don't milk me dry with school fees."

'We're out of earshot now, so you can drop the phoney, Oxbridge accent.'

Ten Years to get the Ph.D

"Damn Pope Gregory and his new calendar."

You got into the college of my choice, and I got into the college of your choice. Now if we could just work something out...

'You talk about her so much. Why don't you invite that Alma Mater of yours to dinner sometime?'

'My parents didn't want me to get left behind.'

"I've spent more sending my son on college campus tours than I did getting my degree."

Principal: 'Is THERE a DOCTORATE in the House?!'

'Quit basketball to concentrate on school. Are you crazy? Do you want to end up like all those other dreamers with a college degree and no job?'

"We just want you to know that wherever you wind up going to college is fine with us, as long as it's someplace we can brag about to our friends."

"You'd think a Humanities professor would be more lenient in her grading."

'Whoa! We sure blew that prediction!'

A Guide to Academic Gowns and Hoods

"If you didn't want to feel inferior to your classmates, you shouldn't have gone to such a good school."

'Please continue your education. I like working at this university.'

"Ain't it great to be back on campus again?"

Admit it! You're gonna miss High School. Best 5 1/2 Years of Your Life.

"Wow! Your dog really is smarter than an honor roll student!"

Binge Drinking On Campus.

Brown - But My First Choice Was Yale.

A teacher in mortar board and gown

'Son, this college is known as nothing but a big party school. Good choice!'

'I thought they told you that any donation, no matter how small, would be greatly appreciated.'

'Remember, your success in life will be measure by how much you donate to your Alma Mater...'

'I seem to recall my pre-school graduation ceremony was called 'so what'.'

'...Not getting in, too big a bribe...'

Hoist With His Own Petard