University Admissions Pillows

'I see you have a rich and generous father. You're in.'

College admissions office: 'We give preference to 'minorities' whose parents donated to our alumni fund.'

'I admit I copied all my essays from the internet.'

'Our admission policy is now simplicity itself. If you have the tuition, you're in.'

"Yes Dad, I passed math and now I'm passing chemistry and physics."

"Still, diving for it would look good on my college application.

'Another football scholarship offer?'

My belief is if you're old enough to take texts, counter-texts, and meta-texts in Western Philosophy, you should be old enough to drink.

Bribes for Jabs

'He's got classic form, but if he doesn't improve his grades he won't get into college. He doesn't think.'

Big Rock University. Guidance Counselor. I'd like to switch my major from hunting to gathering!

'This scholarship application is great. You must have received an A in creative writing.'

"Hey, there's Sara, padding her college-entrance résumé!"

"Where am I going to college? I thought this was college."

It's a letter from Tim. He claims his grades are improving and he might even make the DEEN's list.

'It's my application to Harvard...'

"Be afraid to try new things!"

I do want you to have a role in the group,but I wasn't thinking of 'the bloke who sits at the back eating biscuits and having a bit of a nap'.

'Does it matter what answer I put down? After all, this is Liberal Arts.'

End of Affirmative Action

The 5 paragraph essay is sooo stupid. Why do we have to learn it? So you can get good SAT scores. That will get you into a good college, and then a good job. So you never have to write another 5-paragraph essay again.

Cover Design for Cambridge ABC (Student Magazine)

'I'm partially passing my Meteorology course.'

"Well, my IQ is 180--and that's in Centigrade, not Fahrenheit."

"Stop applying! You've been accepted to three universities!"

Pinara fund

'Good news Mom. I was accepted to the college of your choice.'

You got into the college of my choice, and I got into the college of your choice. Now if we could just work something out...

"If you have to ask, you can't afford it."

Private School Interview - 'How much do your parents weigh?'

"The extent of your extracurricular activities in high school, may very well be participation in regular program of oral hygiene using an effective decay preventaative tooth paste, but that won't get you into a good university."

Hi, I work at the admissions office of the local university. If you could change the world in three days, what would you do?

"Aren't you young to be worrying about college?"

The bane of every college applicant: the admissions essay.

'This isn't a good time. I'm in trouble with the Dean for using my cell phone in class. I'll call you back.'