Universal Therapist Pillows

You have a lot of patients coming to your for counseling! Yeah, I just saw a supernova who is dealing with burnout. Later, I'll see Pluto about his inferiority complex and a black hole who wants to fill a void in its life. Then Hailey's Comet and his wife will discuss why he's rarely there for her. Since your practice went universal it just keeps expanding! You're so busy! Yeah, my head is spinning!

"Everyone at Megadrug is committed to the benefits of spoken therapies, which is why we developed 'nitrazone' to enhance the experience."

Licensed Therapist

"I bought it off the therapist who's helping me kick my compulsive shopping disorder."

Support group therapy for male black widow spiders.

"I know it’s an issue, and we’re working on it in therapy."

"Postwar is hell."

"Just keep quiet and listen to what we have to say."

Couples' therapy

'I haven't been able to come to grips with it. My hands are too small.'

"OK, fine. Perhaps 'sower of discord in the lower depths of hell' was overstating it."

'...and now, Gentlemen, we come to our final lecture in advanced cardiology...'

"I sometimes think you're the only one who listens to me."

"Oops! I just deleted all your files. Can you repeat everything you've ever told me?"

"You might be interested in our encounter group for people with transmission problems."

'I find that a live rhinoceros rather than an invisible elephant speeds things up considerably.'

'... And it's been ages since he last swashed his buckle!'

'I get the feeling you're wagging your tale on the outside and crying on the inside.'

'I hate Mondays.'

"It's hard not to take a mutiny personally."

"Well, if you're still awake when the time changes, you'll lose an hour of overthinking everything, too."

'We have three minutes left.'

"Pillows for sleeping on are downstairs. These are all for screaming into."

'Why can't they call it a deer, or a squirrel market?'

Shrinks in heaven

"Just what emotion is your emotional support dog supporting?"

"Freud doesn't work for you, so I', going to try some Dr. Anthony Fauci..."

"My brother thinks he's a chicken... He's crazy."

'I see you in five years from now, you're still coming to see me. Do you want me to book the appointments in advance?'

'The way we met was interesting. I opened my wallet and there she was!'

"Tell me more about your fear of going bald."

'On the plus side, I give my thanks this Thanksgiving that I'm not a turkey. On the minus side...'

A cartoonist at the doctor, in yoga, at home and in therapy

"You need to stop bottling it up."

Stockbroker and Psychotherapist: Money won't make you happy and therapy won't make you rich.