Modern Therapy Enthusiast Pillows

'Dad, I have commissioned my buddy to study your behavior patterns.'

"Everyone at Megadrug is committed to the benefits of spoken therapies, which is why we developed 'nitrazone' to enhance the experience."

Licensed Therapist

"I bought it off the therapist who's helping me kick my compulsive shopping disorder."

"And you're certain these are accidents?"

Support group therapy for male black widow spiders.

"Don't you think it's time we talked about Operation Doug?"

"I know it’s an issue, and we’re working on it in therapy."

"Postwar is hell."

"Easy for you to say - you're cured!"

"Just keep quiet and listen to what we have to say."

Couples' therapy

'I haven't been able to come to grips with it. My hands are too small.'

"Is that true, Charles? You leave your crap all over the house?"

"OK, fine. Perhaps 'sower of discord in the lower depths of hell' was overstating it."

"I sometimes think you're the only one who listens to me."

X-ray Psychology.

'...and now, Gentlemen, we come to our final lecture in advanced cardiology...'

"Oops! I just deleted all your files. Can you repeat everything you've ever told me?"

'I get the feeling you're wagging your tale on the outside and crying on the inside.'

"It's hard not to take a mutiny personally."

"You might be interested in our encounter group for people with transmission problems."

"Yeah, you could say I've got mother issues....she told me I have to move out!"

'I find that a live rhinoceros rather than an invisible elephant speeds things up considerably.'

'... And it's been ages since he last swashed his buckle!'

'We have three minutes left.'

'Why can't they call it a deer, or a squirrel market?'

"Pillows for sleeping on are downstairs. These are all for screaming into."

Shrinks in heaven

"Just what emotion is your emotional support dog supporting?"

"Freud doesn't work for you, so I', going to try some Dr. Anthony Fauci..."

"Hello, my name is Karl and I'm addicted to speaking to small groups of strangers."

"My brother thinks he's a chicken... He's crazy."

'The way we met was interesting. I opened my wallet and there she was!'

'I see you in five years from now, you're still coming to see me. Do you want me to book the appointments in advance?'