United Nations Staff Gifts

"O.K., look sharp - these folks will generally bu everything we're selling."

'What sort of mission statement is that?'

Mario Draghi

Academic Idol - 'Professor Johannsen's paper was zippy. It had robust vocabulary and I almost felt that I could dance to it. I would give it a 7.'

Multi-tasking.

"The president demands that staff take responsibility for failures, and the multi-trillion deficit is down to YOU!"

'These are job perks.'

'Say, our stress control seminar worked! Our sales are way down...but so what if they are.'

'The ultimate sign of success is when no one puts you on hold.'

'Congratulations Smith, you got that promotion. Commiserations Reid, you got that demotion.'

Stressed employee says to colleague: 'I think I'm on top of the situation and I hope I'm in the loop, but I can't seem to get ahead of the curve.'

Busy office.

"Political Science... that's in the Department of Performing Arts."

'I'd give you a raise, but I had to throw tantrums to make my parents give me anything as a kid.'

'Once, long ago, I thought I was wrong...but it turned out I was mistaken.'

Though Mr. Frackman had yet to say a word, Bill sensed he was about to receive a particularly lousy performance review.

'Normally, I would give credit where credit is due but we're in a credit crunch. Therefore, I will take all the credit for your hard work on this project.'

'You obviously took my suggestion to reduce stress to the extreme.'

The role of administration.

"I'm giving you a 300% salary increase, and four months paid leave."

Brainstorm in progress.

"The after-dinner mint is the boss's idea. I think it's superfluous."

"A simple note from your mother would have sufficed, Tommy."

'Brains...brains...brains...'

'It was at this point that the executive group began its hatha flow retreats.'

Sales.

"I intend to stay in this job, come Hell or high water."

'Nobody minds if I take the ocean view suite with complimentary champagne and Sven, the in-room Swedish masseur, do they?'

Academic Jeopardy - "The great unknowns and cosmic uncertainties of the universe are reduced by this number daily."

'Look Jefferson, much as I respect your emphasis of the informal approach...'

We're transferring you to company headquarters so you can kiss company hindquarters.

'At this juncture in my presentation, I'd like to dispense with the illusion of coherence.'

'Stevens, get in here. I need a few minutes with the left side of your brain.'

"I'm glad you felt able to get that off your chest...now could we discuss next year's targets?"

Around here it got a little tricky...