Unhappy Marriage Pillows

"I'm going to pick someone up at the airport. Anybody."

"I think the onset of my insanity was a cold wet day in September 1952 my wedding day..."

"Sad flick, but they found happiness at the end."

It's not that he's missing which bothers me, it's the fact he can't see how happy he's made me'

I'm not sure we can record your marriage is a depreciating asset

""Edward, when the world is through with social distancing, I won't be."

"Well, if you're out there 'slaving over a got every every day', how come you never notice the food burning?"

Their marriage in jeopardy, Strawberry Shortcake and Billy Bob Banana Bread seek therapy.

"Are you crazy? I can’t tell her that!"

"Doctor - at home I get this nagging pain... what do you recommend?"

'This marriage is turning into a complete farce.'

'We just don't talk anymore, Gerald!'

"No, no - that's not the company sales, that's my marriage."

'I'm sick and tired of you and your 'get rich quick' schemes.'

"My ex wife is a heart surgeon. . . she ripped my heart out!"

"Oh c'mon, Phil. Everyone knows we only stay together for the giant tortoise."

"I liked it better when we just had your people call my people."

'Oh it is nice to get away from it all.'

"They're going through a bitter marriage."

"Marriage and water, I find, don't mix."

"I've taken the liberty of adding eight thousand dollars to your check so that, while you're stunned with disbelief, I can bang your wife."

"I'm starting to believe that this relationship was doomed from the start...!"

"Yes, ma'am, we do take reservations...and what's your husband's name?"

'I just don't understand... We hate the same movies, books, art, music, friends and relatives, and we agree that the world's a hopeless mess. With all that in common, why is our marriage falling apart?'

'The only thing we have in common anymore is the kids are driving us both nuts!'

'... all you have to say is QUACK, QUACK, QUACK!'

"Sorry. No refunds."

'Forget 'forsaking all others', you can have the week off' (housewife to husband).

"Now take my life-partner...please...take my life-partner!!"

"My gut instinct was to say yes. . . but years in social work have shown me how these things end up working out."

Rubbish husband...

"It's a 'get worse soon card' from your ex wife."

'What do you mean, you want a divorce?'

"Honey, you've forgotten your grief case."

"Daddy, I know you gave me away, but can you take me back?"