Unexpected Twist Seeker Pillows

'May I help you?' - 'Yes, can you recommend a Chardonnay?' - 'Hmmm... Not really, I don't drink wine.' - 'Why do you work in an off licence if you don't drink?' - 'I suffer from congenital irony.' - 'Ah.' -

'Wow! I thought that Charlie was just horsing around.'

'Looks like the invasion has already began...'

'If I told you what I wished for, you'd probably slap me.'

"Eat my dust!"

',,, and if anyone knows of a reason why these two should not be married, let them storm this castle with pitchforks and torches or forever hold their peace,'

Swiss army knife

"Unbelievable! A tick!"

"You weren't expecting a walrus, right?"

"I see you also took the road less travelled!"

Man commiting suicide finds the treasure at the bottom of the sea.

Magicians hat being pulled out of a rabbit

The evidence destroyed

'Careful, Mugsy, he's got a tool.'

Death Photobombs a Holiday

The hare and the tortoise - the rematch.

Joe, this is not my idea of 'paint night at the bar.'

"Schedule the 'voyeur' and the 'exhibitionist' for the same time. I want them to meet."

'Bitter.' 'Anything else?' 'Yea - twisted.'

After months of writer's block, the great man's biographer finally decides how to end the book.

Doom & Gloom

Muggers nick nurses bag only to be showered in syringes

A man walking a bowling ball is about to walk into a woman walking a bunch of bowling pins

Season's Greetings and a Prosperous New Year.

'Short brown hair. Very cuddly, good in bed.'

'I wouldn't do that if I were you, mister. This saloon is made entirely of ninjas.'

'Wait a minute,' thought Bob. 'This isn't my book. And those aren't my hands.'

Man reading letter, 'You may already be a winner' about to step on rake.

'You called a plumber!'

"You fool—I'm CIA, too!"

'Very steamy and sexy novel, Miss Pendergast, but how come that this Latino heart throb only services women over 70?'

'I've always been a great fan of yours. I wrote all your books!'

". . . and now, someone who needs no introduction. . ."

"And I was all like - severed head in a sack? What severed head in a sack?"

"Did you watch the super bowl?"