Unexpected Twist Nerd Pillows

Swiss army knife

'He's not as studious as he looks - his backpack is full of comic books.'

"Unbelievable! A tick!"

'If I told you what I wished for, you'd probably slap me.'

"You weren't expecting a walrus, right?"

Magicians hat being pulled out of a rabbit

'Careful, Mugsy, he's got a tool.'

Sand danger

"Pregnant!... How did that happen? We took precautions, like not having sex!"

Fire door.

Death Photobombs a Holiday

Joe, this is not my idea of 'paint night at the bar.'

"Schedule the 'voyeur' and the 'exhibitionist' for the same time. I want them to meet."

Muggers nick nurses bag only to be showered in syringes

'Looks like the invasion has already began...'

"Perhaps this will refresh your memory."

Season's Greetings and a Prosperous New Year.

'My wife! The therapist we hired to help us reinvigorate our marriage!'

'I wouldn't do that if I were you, mister. This saloon is made entirely of ninjas.'

"Do you know what time they open love?"

"Sorry I'm late: I was hitching a ride but when the driver noticed me, he panicked and we had an accident..."

'Wait a minute,' thought Bob. 'This isn't my book. And those aren't my hands.'

'Good news. The DNA proves you're not guilty, you have no genetic diseases, and you're a half-brother of the Prince of Glavistan.'

'You called a plumber!'

"I asked you nicely to stay in the waiting room."

"And I was all like - severed head in a sack? What severed head in a sack?"

Penguin emerges from freezer. Man says: 'This freezer needs defrosting.'

Earthworm Stampede

"You are late! The rabbit left half an hour ago!"

". . . and now, someone who needs no introduction. . ."

Rattle Snake in Love with Baby

"Oh! You gave me such a start."

'Wow! I thought that Charlie was just horsing around.'

Hunter about to fall into a trap set by deer.

'Unfortunately the 'motivational speaker' we'd booked couldn't be bothered to turn up.'