Underwriter T-Shirts

'Rock, you I can cover. Scissors, you're too big a risk.'

'The object is to make money, not pay claims! Don't make me tell you again!'

The underwriter was suspicious of all the dodgy Clauses.

Freddy Mac and Fannie Mae.

"Richard, Mr. Chenolock, the insurance man, is here to determine your life expectancy."

'I would like to draw your attention to Clause 14 that stipulates that this Public Liability Insurance does not cover you inside a china shop...'

'All nine lives, you say?'

"Sorry, but you're a loan risk."

Catastrophe Risk Insurance

Soldier, Statesman, Travel Agent

Tele underwriting versus direct contact.

Underwriter

'Now that I have your attention...'

"These projections don't make sparkles shoot out my ass."

Golly, �1m a year isn't too much. I don't know why your shareholders don't understand you.

'We've set the bar quite high at this company. It helps us control bonuses.'

'I think you are taking this elevator pitch way too literally'.

'This time we're going to do things right. And if that doesn't work, we'll just go back to stealing.'

"So, we look to the fourth quarter as a time of healing."

'We've financed three more startups for no fathomable reason.'

Or as I prefer to call it, the 'feel-good' factor.

'The prevailing wisdom is that markets are always right. I think that luck is always right.'

"Obviously some people here don't appreciate the gravity of our situation."

"I keep feeling we should float the company"

"This is my new country song I wrote about my self-driving truck leaving me..."

'Honey, where's my cell phone?'

'Looks like your cash cow just got diverted to the slaughterhouse.'

"We need to reset our fiscal compass to the changing business horizon."

"I wrote this next song about my cat. It's called 'Please stop rubbing your face against my computer screen when I'm trying to watch Narcos.'"

"After the show, I'll be autographing any computer or phone screens where my albums are streamed."

'He's so rich, when he writes a cheque the bank bounces.'

"Think of it as buying in – not selling out."

"Son, you're old enough now for The Talk: everything you need to know about compound interest."

"Is this the best investment strategy you could come up with?"

'The good news is I had a very good year.'