Underwriter T-Shirts

'Rock, you I can cover. Scissors, you're too big a risk.'

'The object is to make money, not pay claims! Don't make me tell you again!'

The underwriter was suspicious of all the dodgy Clauses.

Freddy Mac and Fannie Mae.

"Richard, Mr. Chenolock, the insurance man, is here to determine your life expectancy."

'I would like to draw your attention to Clause 14 that stipulates that this Public Liability Insurance does not cover you inside a china shop...'

'All nine lives, you say?'

"Sorry, but you're a loan risk."

Catastrophe Risk Insurance

Soldier, Statesman, Travel Agent

Tele underwriting versus direct contact.

'Wait. . . wouldn't the Golden Harp be covered under the giant's homeowner's insurance?'

Underwriter

'Now that I have your attention...'

Golly, �1m a year isn't too much. I don't know why your shareholders don't understand you.

"These projections don't make sparkles shoot out my ass."

'We've set the bar quite high at this company. It helps us control bonuses.'

'I think you are taking this elevator pitch way too literally'.

'This time we're going to do things right. And if that doesn't work, we'll just go back to stealing.'

Today we'll see some misused or misunderstood financial and economic terms. It's said inflation can hurt the economy. But it's absolutely in the tire business. I bought this warm puffy jacket with cash. A down payment. We like beer and coffee. Our most valuable liquid assets. In a monopoly breakup, the race car would to go one person and the dog to another. And when I become either a buyer or a seller. He's shorting the market!

"So, we look to the fourth quarter as a time of healing."

'We've financed three more startups for no fathomable reason.'

'The prevailing wisdom is that markets are always right. I think that luck is always right.'

Or as I prefer to call it, the 'feel-good' factor.

"Obviously some people here don't appreciate the gravity of our situation."

"I keep feeling we should float the company"

'Honey, where's my cell phone?'

'Looks like your cash cow just got diverted to the slaughterhouse.'

Lennon and McCartney.

"This is my new country song I wrote about my self-driving truck leaving me..."

"I wrote this next song about my cat. It's called 'Please stop rubbing your face against my computer screen when I'm trying to watch Narcos.'"

'He's so rich, when he writes a cheque the bank bounces.'

"Think of it as buying in – not selling out."

"After the show, I'll be autographing any computer or phone screens where my albums are streamed."

Anna Calvi