Underworld Fan Pillows

"I don't care how evil they are, a deal's a deal. You get my soul and I get a permanent third hour substitute teacher."

"It's not the paranormal activity that bothers me so much as the passive aggression."

"I'm you from the future! Or the past. I've completely lost track of time."

Elevator Music

'There's an imposter among us!'

"May I recommend THIS property? It's ideal for first-time haunters..."

'Take me to your auto body shop.'

Pub. This is John. He also loves obscure bands until they're popular then hates them. The Druidiots. Luckies. 50 ale.

"I'm not really into organized religion, though I am very spiritual."

"You are going to meet a beautiful young lady at a biology lesson. . ."

'I thought you said you wanted to spoon me!'

'Oh no a speed camera.'

The response of a spirit during a seance is in fact an annoyed neighbour.

"No squirrel, but I found Jimmy Hoffa."

Haunted museum

'Oh, no! The poltergeist has taken up juggling.'

"...The Spirits are out at the moment, but if you'd like to leave a message...."

Aw, a heart!

'Vlad, I know it's not your fault that you don't have a reflection but...'

"Everyone say 'Hot Ghoul Summer!'"

"I don't know-somehow the city seems much scarier than when I was a kid."

"You know, my unearthly moans are a lot less terrifying when you're chomping a squeaky toy."

'Oh mate, I can't wait for the zombie apocalypse!'

Yuri Geller as a 7 year old.

Martian restaurant and take away

"Something has to change....my life is turning into pure hell."

The insurance giants do battle, ironically costing their own companies billions of dollars in claims,

A Ghost

"Yep! - Your boiler's definitely on the blink..."

“Sorry, we don’t accept the living dead.”

"Humans! I told you to abduct humans...NOT mosquitoes!"

BIG HOOF

"Ghosts? I haven't seen a ghost here for 3000 years!"

"In my spare time, I write reviews on Goodreads."

Dracula Waits For the Bus With A Coffin Briefcase.