Underwater Kingdom Admirer Pillows

"To be perfectly hones, I've never ripped into anything that wasn't begging to be ripped into."

The Ray Bradbury classic, 'The Car Alarm.'

'Do you think we can cuddle?'

"So, the Scharfs have an atoll. Big deal."

"It's not the social stigma. It's the mercury."

"Mom! Your cell phone’s ringing ... it’s Dad!"

"Four years of dental school only to tell all my patients 'Don't worry about any tooth issues - they'll just fall out and be replaced, anyway'."

The one that got away

Piranhaclaus

"He's his own worst enemy."

"It's called 'semelparity' darling. The salmon spawn then die, so we just need to wait at the spawning grounds to get an easy feed. It's all about sustainability."

'I keep very close touch with the office in case things are running too smoothly without me.'

Artifishial Intelligence

"Uh Ooh... Another tsunami hits the Ross Ice shelf!

"...so it appears we were talking to his butt that entire time."

'we must be near the water because I see a sea gull.'

'Hang on a second, I think I have a sand castle in my shoe.'

"Beds are not made for jumping on."

'If we get out of this alive, I'm going to have a darn good look at your resume.'

Easter Island Shades...

'Wow, this guy is DEEP.'

"Jeepers, I didn't know anything could gets so hot!"

'Looks like a good day fah haulin' lobstah, eh, Pauley?...Let's just say it became a good day fah drinkin'...'

Cupcake Excitement Scale

"Larry, nooo! Don't look into the BOWL!!!"

"It makes me want to pee."

Fish-tank Skyscraper.

"I knew we should have gotten the shorter tree."

"I tell ya - if I ever stop moving, I'll die."

Subwoofer

'I prefer the term 'mobile home'.'

With Wally the hermit crab showing no signs of life, Shirley yields to her kids' pleas and performs mouth-to-mouth resuscitation.

'I can't find a dry martini anywhere.'

Bottle-nosed Dolphins.

I read on Candorville.com that was rank 29,705th in the world when it comes to attention spans. What? Aren't there only 196 countries? The article didn't just include human countries. It included the various animal kingdoms and the plant republics. Did you know that Americans have an eight-second attention span ... but the goldfish who live in little Lionel Brown's aquarium kingdom at 1492 MLK Way in Candorville have a nine-second attention span? Are you sure you weren't reading a humor column?