Understated Chic Gifts

"I'm looking for something that won't say anything about me."

Scientists are sexy

'Doorbell. Must be the sitter.'

"He's deliciously vintage."

'Remember that outfit, Miss Wilson, that you said you wouldn't be seen dead wearing?'

'How many blummin' shades of black ARE there?'

"We missed Fashion Week!"

'That's the new budget team that came on board last week!'

"Apparently, he's well over 100 now."

"Well which do you think is more likely, your pillow is growing hair or you're losing yours?"

"Look how styles change. I've been asked to pose for Vogue."

'I'm looking for something that reeks moderation and restraint.'

"You've got the job, but you've got to change your clothes."

'He can ignore you in seven different languages.'

"That'll be twenty even—ten for the wine and a ten-dollar tax on the hapless sweater."

GoodWitchBadWitch.com, online clothes catalogue for moody people. What do you think?

"This new poem lacks his usual vindictive sarcasm. It's just a victimless rhyme."

"I love what you've done with your place."

"Oooh, wind chimes�how New Age."

Coffee cup lids that don't fit properly and then dribble down the front of your best outfit just before the big meeting.

"Me? A bum? Why, no. I just love trains."

"It is a new thing I've come up with! I think it makes me look important!"

Three Unwise Men

'This latest toga from Rome says, veni, vidi, vici.'

'Thanks for pointing out that I'm wearing odd shoes but don't worry, I have another pair at home just like them...'

Are you up to seeing someone with a ponytail?

Tap's fine.

'I'm going for a vagabond chic look.'

How come they're making size 16 smaller these days?