Undercover Joker Pillows

"OK, well, if you do hear anything, be sure to give us a call."

'Keep me informed of the herds' mood.'

"It's a memo from the legal department reminding us to (heh-heh), 'keep our noses clean'."

"So then the VP of Sales looks right at me and says 'Larry, what's going on? We don't have any traction in the market.' Like it's MY fault!"

'Asynchronous, collaborative, interactive - we're obviously on a roll.'

'Try and be negative in a positive way.'

'Bad news, sir -- there's a leak in our think tank!'

"Your mother called to remind you to diversify."

Tick-tock, tick-tock, tick-tock, tick-tick, tock-tock, tickety-tick tock ….

'You really want that promotion, don't you, Sherman?'

"If Google Translate is correct, they want our women and our cattle."

"To make this interview more entertaining I would like you to take a breath of helium before answering the questions."

"And best of all, it comes fully loaded!"

'Please leave the light on, dear. I'm afraid there might be OSHA inspectors under the bed.' 'Managers at Night.'

'Before we start, shall we go round the table, and each share our name and a horrible dark secret from our past.'

'All right! Who put my dozing-off during our last meeting on youtube?'

"Remind me again, is it Accounting or IT that handles issues related to online solitaire?"

"Sorry, website closed for lunch."

'What's the smallest budget you can manage on?' 'The most you can give me!'

"This resumé has the kind of sizzle we're looking for."

'He doesn't like people walking in - try crawling.'

"In my old job we were encouraged to run fast and break things."

'Careful, that's where the boss keeps his ego.'

"Call security, Miss Rightman. I have an overwhelming urge to throw good money after bad"

'You're off the plane, Hal. Put the laptop on your desk.'

Of course I always start off by wooing a prospective candidate with talk of stimulating work,great colleagues and a reasonable work life balance...but the winning argument is always when I promise them enough money to choke a rhino.

Check zombies.

"I'm giving you a 300% salary increase, and four months paid leave."

'Not exactly what I meant by job creation.'

"At First Infidelity we're all about integrity...."

'Stop emailing me, I am standing right here.'

'A 10M bonus for your thoughts.'

"The bad news is we've fired 80% of your office. The good news is we're fixing the coffee machine."

Bottom line, is that the sweet smell of success or your aftershave?

"I can't come in today, I'm feeling like myself."