Uncertainty Admirer Pillows

'You have reached the Heisenberg Institute - Calls will be answered in random order.'

"If nothing else needs welding, Paula, I'm going to lunch."

Reading my Critics

He can lean back in contentment on cowslip banks and let everything wash over him.

"With the caveat that the only certainty in this life is uncertainty, I still want to entertain the possibility of being a pundit when I grow up."

Sunbathers.

-Sorry about yesterday, I was ill! -You didn't look ill when I saw you at the races! -You didn't see me after the fifth leg!

Penguins flying to igloo birdhouse

Optimist

Zoo: No Hunting.

"I wish my Dad would get off my back! It's only been nine years and he wants to know if I've picked a major yet!"

'I'll raise you, Lazarus...'

Presidential surveillance ass!"

Dept of Probability: Maybe, Possibly, Perhaps.

"I see you haven't forgotten how to play with your balls, honey." "Thanks."

Robber on treadmill

'True it does have small flowers but through the microscope its exquisite.'

"Now that we've fallen in love, I have a confession. I'm not a giraffe—I'm fifty-eight weasels in a trenchcoat."

"You inherited an extra toe from your father and didn't pay the inheritance tax on it."

For every moment in life there is a song that describes it perfectly.'

"Is it OK if I turn the humidifier up a bit?"

Find out who has the Licensing Rights to Armegeddon.

Ant holds up the word 'TRIUMPH'.

Uses of a Dead Cat in History: Jesus has a Practice Before Raising Lazarus.

Yoghurt man

The Fascinating Language of Ambivalence, Decoded.

"A man threatens to destroy town with army of turtles after dispute with city hall. Local authorities initiate a shell-ter in place in preparation for the noc-turtle invasion."

Department of Belly Buttons - Innies/Outies Tray

'Goodness me, Graham! I didn't think you had musical bone in your body!'

"I wonder what odds you would have got for that happening?"

'Now just learn to whistle and I'll be rich!'

Al, you look nonplussed. I just heard that they discovered a new astrological sign, and my birthday now falls under the sign of the jackass.

101 uses of a dead cat: rocking horse

Giant sandwich bags.

"Can we have all of your candy, a dog biscuit and a smoke for my cat friend here?"