Ultrasound Humorist Pillows

"No. I can't tell if it's a...Mug or tie. Either way, happy Father's Day."

"I’ve tried to make this as painless as possible ... clearly I’ve failed."

Ice Cream Surgeon

"Unfortunately, your son swallowed a great deal of industrial adhesive. But don't worry: Epoxy can be cured."

"And I want you to meet Coco, your anesthesiologist."

Doctor pulling golf caddy sees patient pulling oxygen caddy.

Swiss army hospital...'scalpel...'

"Would you please step back to the machine while I make an adjustment?"

We did a biopsy on the mole we removed, and it turns out it was just an old piece of chocolate.

"Hope you don't mind, but I can't find my little hammer."

Vlad the Inhaler

"The answer to bone loss is to bury them deeper.'

'Maybe it is psychosomatic.'

'ooh! A womb with a view.'

"That's an awfully large small intestine and an awfully small large intestine."

I'm taking you off trying to stay young.

'AHH, here it is! At the next intersection, turn left, then cough, following that, turn right, then cough...' WHEN DOCTORS NAVIGATE.

'What's wrong with me, Doctor?' 'I have no idea! That information comes within doctor-patient confidentiality.'

'It's the only known prevention for swine flu...Big bad wolf serum...'

What do MD and PHD mean? It means the doctor owes a lot of money in student loans.

"I'm putting you on a beef diet. Nothing beef for breakfast, nothing beef for lunch, nothing beef for tea, nothing beef for..."

'He's our new Bone Specialist!'

'We tend to favour more traditional anaesthetic techniques here.'

'It's a new technique for training interns: suture by numbers,'

"How long before the clinical trials are over?"

'I think it's damn unprofessional for a dermatologist to scream 'Yikes' like that.'

Cat Scan

"You only need one prescription. The other 7 are for the side effects."

What do you say we team up to star in a sequel to "The Elephant Man" called "The Wolverine Boy"? !

"The blood test will take a couple of days, but I'm pretty sure it's just ketchup."

'Oh, relax - you're doing great for your age...but I am a little concerned about out computer's old operating system.'

"I'm afraid you need knee surgery."

"Right here is your baby’s infrastructure, and in a month or so we’ll be able to see the analytics."

Doctor in a cake

'Our interns work extremely long hours. The harness will help keep them awake during your operation.'