Audio Humorist Pillows

"Hey, pal, let's hear 'Doggie in the Window' again, and this time play it like you mean it!"

"Canadian Mt. ‘Rush’more"

"He could have been the national bird, but that was a long, long time ago."

"This next one is my own quirky rendition of Berlioz's 'Symphonie Fantastique,' Movement 5, 'Dream of a Witches' Sabbath.'"

"I was going to play the Moonlight Sonata, but I forgot the key."

'I met my wife in unfortunate circumstances. I was single.'

"Not now, my love. I'm feeling preminstrel."

"What other tricks does he need?"

"I thought it would be appropriate to have a band playing as we went down."

Elevator Music

The Phantom Of The Garden

"They'll be expecting adagio. Go with the allegro."

Opera singer singing to her partner who is wearing a gas mask on due to her bad breath.

Guitar pickin'

Press Any Key. No, Not That One.

Waiter in resturant sawing violin.

Rap-scallions

'PHWOAR! You should have seen her rear end when she sat on the piano. . . played 'TINK' and 'BOOM' at the same time!'

Double Saxophone

"Who is 'coming around the mountain,' John? Could it be your mother?"

Pay me not to pay 'Wonderwall'

"Beans, Them Beans, Them Beans, Beans, Beans..."

Edward Elgar.

"Drinking improves my vodkabulary."

All Les's dreams of stardom were coming true, and he'd only played one note.

Dr. Phil takes it home.

No Instruments Please

"Ding" "Dong"

'Never mind singing it in rap...a simple 'I do' will suffice.''

"Y'know, sooner or later we're going to have to let her go out unaccompanied."

'We seem to have more luck getting people to accept cookies rather than broccoli when they visit websites.'

'The Orginial Big Band sound'