Twisted Tales Aficionado Pillows

“God, no! It’s ripping me apart!!” “The very very hungry caterpillar”

"Go ahead and eat her, she's a pain in the a**."

'Take Gerald a cup of punch or something, I think he's feeling left out.'

Charles Dickens

"Just between you and me, he was a road kill."

"The true story"

Circus trousers

'Yes, the owners are giraffes...Did I forget to mention it?...'

'Brian hated his long legs and dinner parties'

'You just grew three inches.'

'It was owned by a little ol' lady who didn't drive it. She used a motor scooter on Saturdays.'

'I still don't believe any of that bunk your friend was giving us about hypnosis.'

"Congratulations. You earned time off for bad behavior."

"It doesn't help that you have such fond memories of our upbringing."

"Can you come outside and help me. It appears Fido and I have tied the knot... "

"Ok this is where we're at, pig 1 house of straw approved! Pig 2, house of sticks, approved! Pig 3, house of bricks, um. . . denied."

"Ok, ok, my mistake—twice upon a time..."

"And she's bringing her TWIN!!"

'Why am I sitting up here so high? Because I have long legs!'

God sees his doppelganger in the toiletries aisle.

"What powerful growth hormones your taking, Grandma"

'It's not rain!...It's KONG!'

Graham Greene.

"It's Bo Beep again, she's completely lost it!"

Post-Lyme-Tick Fairy Tales

Little Red Riding Hoodie.

'I just don't get the point of this game.'

Basketball team toilets.

'Well, technically, Eugene, we're not under the mistletoe...'

"No. You can't sue each other for identity theft. . . You're identical twins!"

'...and the axe murderer lived happy ever after...'

'That's not quite what I meant, Rapunzel'