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'...and the axe murderer lived happy ever after...'

"Go ahead and eat her, she's a pain in the a**."

A small snooker player chalking his cue.

"The mad king ruled by chaos and corruption. He pitted everyone against each other, and they all lived divisively ever after. The end."

"Sorry kids, wrong house. This one is made of vegetables."

"...and the dung was this big!.... No...elephant, actually."

"I'm sorry, my therapist told me to give up slaying dragons."

"Daddy, can I have a pony killed?"

"The true story"

We contend that the boy cried wolf too many times, leaving my client no choice but to eat him.

'Our tuna salad baguettes are this big!'

Today's special guest: Rudy Park. Author of the bestselling memoir iMac Therefore I Am. Raised by rabid chimps in the desert, Rudy went on to invent the computer, and date Paris Hilton. Such an inspiring tale, young man. I made it all up. And so honest, too. Let me come clean!

"Hopefully, the 7-foot guy is on our side."

'I,m trying something new...giraffe manure!'

'It was owned by a little ol' lady who didn't drive it. She used a motor scooter on Saturdays.'

Statue Selfie

Upon returning to school, none of the boys could help but notice how much Allison had developed over summer vacation.

"Ok this is where we're at, pig 1 house of straw approved! Pig 2, house of sticks, approved! Pig 3, house of bricks, um. . . denied."

"Congratulations. You earned time off for bad behavior."

"It's Bo Beep again, she's completely lost it!"

'I went fly fishing yesterday. I caught a 5lb blue bottle.'

God sees his doppelganger in the toiletries aisle.

Little Red Riding Hoodie.

T-Rex Basketball

'It's not rain!...It's KONG!'

"I was on my way home when there was this sudden puff of smoke!"

"What powerful growth hormones your taking, Grandma"

"Ok I was wrong. It's not a cold, you are a werewolf."

“God, no! It’s ripping me apart!!” “The very very hungry caterpillar”

Milton reaches the end of the rainbow and finds a pot of diabetic supplies and gold test strips.

Post-Lyme-Tick Fairy Tales

Little Red Riding Hoodie.

Genetically enhanced height

"Tell me again how you were the first person to come out of the trees and live in a cave."

Edward the Overtall