Tweezing Gurus Pillows

"I groom all day and still look like a baboon."

'Something for the weekend, Sir?'

"Renk just discovered beard oil."

Use the body brush vigorously - he will enjoy it.

Lesser known greek gods,

"Don't shave it. It gives your face character."

'You can't be serious! They wash you by dipping you in a tub of water! That's horrible!'

'Hi, Miss Henderson, we did collage in class today. Can you drive me home?'

Emergency Hipster Beard

A daily rubdown with a beard brush will wrangle awkward bristles and train them downwards...

Owner Looks Like Poodle.

"Be creative...!"

Dating is so expensive...

'The siege is working my lord. They have food and water but no beard oil. I reckon they will surrender in 12 hours or less'

'Wrinkles can't breathe in mud.'

"Face it, Clive - you're bald."

'We've got a special this week on nose hairs!'

'Your house is spotless, your children are well behaved and dinner was delicious. How do you do it?'

"Do you have any of that after shave that makes me look like Brad Pitt?"

"Dear Diary: Today I ate, groomed, napped. Ate, groomed, napped. Ate, groomed, napped ... HAIRBALL!!"

The Cat Spa

"I'm not saying your after shave smells bad, but.. maybe you should use one mosquitoes don't like so much!"

"You're fortunate. Stubble looks really good on you."

'...so I simply combined my love of beards with my love of tattoos and this was the result!'

'It's good of you to go out of your way to show me what not to do, Mum.'

Movember

'Done the first, now shower, shave.' - The bear essentials.

"Same goash-darn thing every full moon, eh, Mr. Harper?"

"Today in school we learned how to glue!"

"Nice haircut."

Hair Traffic control.

'Reach up and fold down into Uttanasa.' - 'Notice how you feel both physically and spiritually.' - 'Physically, I feel that my toenails are a bit too long.' - 'Hmmm... okay, what about spiritually?'

'Have you had a brazilian?'

'To grow a good beard, have good dental habits. First, brush with a concave brush to clean the teeth's facial surfaces. Then use a convex brush to reach flat surfaces. Then use a scalloped brush to be chic. Then floss to clean between teeth. Then use ...