Tv Sports Addict Prints

'I'll be there in a minute! They're on the last hole!'

Showbiz Awards

"The following program was made possible by fluctuations in the random chaos of the Universe...."

'They're just like us, except they watch more television.'

"And the letterbox version, how does that make you feel."

'Now for today's numbers...'Bad Dogs' outnumbered 'Good Dogs' by two-to-one...'

'And at what stage did you realise the ball you were heading was on the TV?'

Stephen Fry

Big screen TV falling through floor

"All of a dither as per usual!"

"This just in... the country has adopted a 24 hr military clock... ...details at 23."

"We'd better stock up on TV snacks in the event of war."

Putting Practice.

'The anger management is working... tonight there were fewer veins popping.'

NOVA. Don't worry --- The "vacuum of space" is not that kind of vacuum.

'Hello Mr Preston? This is an ALIEN speaking. We have landed in your paddock. We have mutilated your cows. We have made loud crashing noises...what the hell is on your TV that's so special?'

Can't Touch This

Astrological forecasts of the rich and famous

'Double Dannys': Danny Baker and Danny Kelly.

'He gets confused switching channels between the World series and NFL games.'

'During the next commercial, I'd like to talk to you about your childhood.'

'Dear, you're not supposed to take it seriously...it's a reality show!'

"It's General Douglas MacArthur."

'So, ten thousand pounds could be yours if you call in and answer this question...Why the hell aren't you in bed?!'

"Can you do battle with him later?... He's watching, 'Game of Thrones'."

"It's hard being a TV viewer trapped in the body of a student."

"Is anything good on?"

"When did you first notice you were larger than life?"

The cradle of mankind

Triceratops watching television with satellite dish made from own horns.

'Do you want to watch the, 'everything's terrible' cable news or the 'everything's wonderful' cable news?'

"See! He's taking a first sip. . . my eye! Oops!!"

'This has a great ending...he shoots her.'

Hot New Talk Shows!

"Buying the largest TV on the market was a good idea. Mounting it was not."