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Jerusalem's Got Talent

"An appointment? Let's see... She could fit you in before breakfast TV, or after lunch on Radio Two, or between Radio Four afternoon and the Drive Home SHow..."

Lesser known greek gods,

Xena: Warrior Princess, TV star, professional volleyball player.

T. S. Eliot Meets Beavis And Butthead

Can't Touch This

"It's either the Ten Commandments or the Mueller Report."

Parents start infant on the way to fame.

"Our next story should interest all our viewers...it's a real can of worms."

'Double Dannys': Danny Baker and Danny Kelly.

Clive Anderson

Late Night with Patrick O'Brian

Incorrect weather forecasts.

Celebrity anagrams: Is a salt water rat (Answer: Alastair Stewart)

"Thanks Dave. I don't know about you folks, but I can feel it coming in the air tonight."

"Hi, I'm Jamie Theakston and this is Dogs Might Fly."

Sherlock Holmes' tax return

"If you work hard enough, and find the right reality show, you can grow up to be anything you want."

"I told him. . . 'Norman, forget that woman! She's no good for you! I need you to run the Bates Motel! Norman! Are you listening to your mother?'"

'Sorry, viewers, I was going to show you one I made earlier but it's been scoffed by the second assistant sound engineer.'

Police Box

Good Morning Britain has just achieved something previously thought impossible...by making Piers Morgan the most likeable man on screen.

'I stopped watching Sesame Street the second I found out it was educational.'

Nasa finally runs out of ideas for missions.

Tommy Cooper

Ostrich TV.

'I'm no Einstein, but I play one on TV!'

"How about that! Wanda, you also landed on cheese."

"This i why I always dress in bright colors."

Ronni Ancona.

'It's not a punchline to an office joke or TV commercial, Perkins. 'You're Fired' - for real!'

'If we lose the malpractice lawsuit, we can always sell it to the Bloopers Channel.'

"Oh heck, it’s going to be a long night, someone’s pressed the golden buzzer."

'Hello, Mum!'

The walking dead