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Adam and Eve on a Talk Show

Can't Touch This

"Tell me, Chuck, is barbarism the natural state of mankind, and will it ultimately triumph?"

Talk shows are great. Listen shows are even better.

"I wanted a partner... I got a co-host."

Stan Mack's Real Life Funnies: The David Letterman Show Goes to the Dogs, Cats, Birds, Guinea Pigs...

My secret of living to 103? I stay active throwing out junk mail and alert dueling with telephone sales people!

"Welcome back to the We Were Bored and Had Nothing Else To Do podcast."

'Not only will you know everything but I'll see that you get your own talk show.'

'What TV show do frog princes go on ...?...'

"The real question is whether health care is a basic human right or a bona-fide commercial opportunity."

'Now stay tuned for 'Hope - Myth or Reality', to be followed by 'Reality - Hope or Myth'.'

Night Life: L.A.

"An appointment? Let's see... She could fit you in before breakfast TV, or after lunch on Radio Two, or between Radio Four afternoon and the Drive Home SHow..."

"Did you hear Sadie's show today?"

"Dad, will you play judge and tell me if Raymond or Joey is the father of my baby doll?"

"When did you first notice you were larger than life?"

Men discussing a book on a chat show

How to get on talk shows by promoting your new book

Jerry Springer

"Well I think the Real question is..."

'The way I see it, with all the talk shows out there, nobody needs a wife!'

"So, colony collapse disorder - how funny is it?"

"I'm sorry, could you repeat that? I neglected to talk over you."

"Today on the ask Sadie show, we'll be addressing one single topic: 'Wolverine.' Specifically, we'll be talking about how most of you freaks who were obsessed with it for months are no longer talking about it. You people today have the attention span of a chimpanzee!!! That's an average of about 20 seconds, for those of you who still remember what I just said."