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'We just received a radio signal from Tau-Upsilon that was utter drivel. Do you suppose it was one of their TV shows?'

"This is a merit-based organization! Can't you see I’ve hired the very best and most qualified yes-men money can buy?"

"We need to make some cuts. We'll start with integrity, accountability, openness, and transparency."

"Everyone at Megadrug is committed to the benefits of spoken therapies, which is why we developed 'nitrazone' to enhance the experience."

Life is for the birds.

"Like I could date a guy from Notre Dame."

U of Debt

"See..? We told you there was nothing there..."

"Just give me your wallet. Trust me, you do not want to deal with my misplaced sense of entitlement."

Cord cutter

God not-too-happy with the Humans sticking a 'Closing DOWN Sale!' sign on planet Earth

"She wishes to range free!"

'Due to government surveillance, is my allowance taxable?'

"The little engine that could... after taking advantage of family connections, a trust fund, working two years for free as an intern, and finally getting hired as an independent contractor."

'We interrupt this programme for a sex flash.'

Dickens & Tolstoy Walk into a Bar: " . . . so, to make a short story long . . . "

So I guess the moral of Hansel and Gretel is always carry your cell phone!

"What's wrong with swallowing up other companies?"

Next gen pregnancy tests.

"Where we lack in productivity is made up by extremely low employee turnover."

"She's a miniature."

Beckett for Beginners: "Waiting for Thumbkin"

'And she's got to have implants out to here.'

Government Offices / In tray, No Exit tray.

"Your taxes,pension and health deductions have exceeded your wages - here's your bill."

"Remember, education pays, unless you end up an adjunct - like me."

"It's either the Ten Commandments or the Mueller Report."

Standard & Poor

Police film evidence

Limerick On A Grecian Urn

"They say we destroy plants – such as potatoes, corn and carrots – and they're boycotting us. They're fruitarians."

Centaur for Disease Control Says Wear a Mask