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"Isn't it time you had your bath?"

News: Deaths! Deaths! Deaths!

Academic Jeopardy ... 'What Was the Maiden Name of Dante Alighieri's Maternal Grandmother?'

'Let's go to our education reporter for more underreporting of school success stories.'

UK border controls relaxed.

"The following programme contains scenes of a very noisy vacuum cleaner."

"No, I don’t find it funny that her first words are ‘South Park’!"

Oligarchy

"I can't decide what I fear the most, Putin's Russia or Putin's America."

Television Readers.

'Greek debt was downgraded for the 11th time this week, by S&P, to P.O.S. Negative Infinity, meaning it's safer to eat uranium, than own Greek debt.'

Meet the Enemy

'I wasted half my life perched on top of a mountain in the Himalayas. Only to discover that the true meaning of life was a night in watching the box, with a few cans of lager.'

'Enough already. It's a car, not a transporter.'

'We interrupt this programme for a sex flash.'

'Our regular programs will not be seen tonight, because our Station Manager is in a 'Three Stooges' mood.'

The city of San Francisco switches from cable cars to satellite dish at a cost of only $79.99 a month for the first six months.

"I know! Two years without anymore Game Of Thrones?"

Our Two Parties, Explained

Love is when you watch television together.

Turkish Democracy

'They're just like us, except they watch more television.'

There's a crew here from 60 minutes and they're coming this way.

News Internecine: Murdoch succession battle

'We need you to settle a bet -- was 'Twilight Zone' a sitcom or a documentary?'

Apart from protest footage I forget what downtown looks like.

"Now we move over to the sports desk."

Man Reading Laptop.

"It's a 'Black eye friday'. I got it in a fight over a 56 inch TV."

"Since you have already been convicted by the media, I imagine we can wrap this up pretty quickly."

"As I see it, 'Crazy politics' - like not voting on a supreme court nominee - is better than a complete government shutdown."

Armageddon

"This just in: one of us always tells lies; the other always tells the truth. Who's who? Stay tuned."

Matryoshka/ Russian Gas Cylinders

'Have you seen me?' (Brain missing in TV viewer)