Tv Humor Enthusiast Gifts

"You can't beat Channel 5's sport coverage."

'The programs have improved, but now the commercials are getting violent.'

"What were you doing when the Tories took away our human rights, dad?"

The Department of Really Stupid Ideas: 'Most people think they just appear out of thin air! But the truth is, there's a great deal of very hard work involved!'

The Games Man: Fishing is his sole form of exercise - but he considers it bad form to move more than his wrist when casting.

"Tell me about this fear of couches."

'I'm reading aloud, Jeremy - My lips are SUPPOSED to be moving!'

"Yes. I said 2 by 2, but you needed to use 2 by 4s for the Ark...begin again."

"Welcome to the bank - you'll start at the bottom."

"Thor! I am Thor! Ha. Just kidding. I'm Tom the Seagull."

"Go ahead and eat her, she's a pain in the a**."

'In its new 'spirit of evenhandedness,' the U. S. Government today sent troops to occupy all foreign countries....'

Police Feline Unit

"His first out-of-body experience."

"Clear my schedule for the next five minutes. I feel the need for some spontaneous frivolity."

Formal SuitsBusiness SuitsBirthday Suits.

'Joe took the day off to go to the ball game. So I'll be sitting in for him until he gets back. Would you like me to fetch you something?'

'Well, it's your fault for wearing my slippers.'

"My emotional support dog ate my comfort food."

'Why didn't he take 8 days and finish the job properly?'

"Do you, Darlene, take Jim to be your lawfully wedded husband, when you could, clearly, do far better?"

"Cheers! Well, this is exciting. I've never had a dinner date with a duck before." "Relax, honey. I'm just here for the bread."

"I know you didn't order the snails, sir. They're complimentary with the salad."

"I call it 'Bad Dog.'"

'Think I preferred the old Irish barman.'

"I've done this procedure so often I could do it in my sleep. But that's only happened twice – that I'll admit to."

Cariactures

Party of two? No, it was quite a large party.

Skiing.

"Yes, I'm from London. 'Which part?' you ask. Well all of me!"

Doctor examining Easter Island statue.

'Fine stencilling. But have you never thought - Tit Willow, Tit Willow, Tit Willow?'

Selling lemon latt�

"Don't flutter your little wings on company time."

Speed Dating for Turtles