Tv Humor Aficionado Gifts

"Today's starting pitcher will be Matt Goss, and the starting manager will be Carl Ernst."

It is important to give your dog opportunities to play with people.

"You're losing the audience. Switch to the Powerpoint presentation."

Project Length As Measured In Dog Years

Hey, calm down --- Now, what did you say again?

"Do you want to pretend to be a doctor and I'll pretend to be a hotshot civil litigation attorney who sues you till your ears bleed?"

Zombie standup

'In its new 'spirit of evenhandedness,' the U. S. Government today sent troops to occupy all foreign countries....'

'The proliferation of bird watchers make me more and more self-conscious...'

"What's a patent?"

Men find this shampoo irresistible. It's called 'Gee, Your Hair Smells Like A New Car'.

'I hate to be so skeptical, but I still think the seance business is a hoax!'

'The history of Glue. It's impossible to put down.'

Desk trays - 'in', 'out', and 'one of these days'.

'It's a deal, lets sniff bottoms!'

"Cat box"

Easter Island legs

Love at First Sight

"Ooh, I must sit down - I'm dead on my feet!"

"How long will we, the descendants of wolves, be content with table scraps and belly rubs?"

"Don't even interact with him. He just likes to say 'Kalamazoo.'"

Clown teaches how to speak Jibberish

'Goodness, no Doctor, my husband is not calling you any insulting names. He's a duck and that's the only word he knows.'

The Fourth Little Pig

'Now I kinda wish we had planned a bigger wedding.'

"When I was your age. I was really smelly."

Academic Jeopardy ... 'What Was the Maiden Name of Dante Alighieri's Maternal Grandmother?'

"Of all the buildings I've designed, it's probably the most handsome."

"Vintage? What would you like it to be?"

'Why don't you just pull over and let them pass already?!?'

Man is stopped from entering doctor's surgery by a receptionist dressed as a bouncer.

'Hi, Doc! I don't think I'm going to need you after all....'

"That's not how I sat on you."

"Congratulations, Amruk. You prove they do exist."

"All natural snow cones for sale."