Turkey Diplomat Gifts

'Hold it. He's got a reprieve from the Governor!'

"'I don't want war'. . . well, wither our translation program is broke or this president has a strange kind of humor!"

Israel/Palestine Conflict

'We consult those with whom we agree, which is why I rarely consult my conscience.'

"To begin with, I would like to express my sincere thanks and deep appreciation for the opportunity to meet with you. While there are still profound differences between us, I think the very fact of my presence here today is a major breakthrough."

"I don't think you can get a peace prize for ending a war that you started."

UBLIC RELATIONS IN CASE OF EMERGENCY BREAK GLASS

'Your ambiguities are impeccable, young man - just what our department needs.'

'...It's O.K. hon', it's just the third world.'

'Ok - I'm reaching out!'

Militant Pacifists

EU

Twice a year, Uncle Mort and Sadie Cohen have an official relationship talk. While this biannual conversation is scheduled by mutual consent under long-standing treaty, some participants engage grudgingly. Let's talk about our feelings. I don't feel like it. That's not a feeling, Snookums! Loophole!

'No, Bob, I haven't noticed you haven't spoken to me in 3 days... I just thought we were getting along.'

"I can't hold it together much longer. . . If Bradley doesn't wipe that smug, self-satisfied smirk off his face soon, I swear I'll kill him."

Excess Baggage: If you can draw, you don't have to know the local language.

More Excuses to Stay in Afghanistan

'They aren't shy about cutting you out of the decision making process.'

'Stop mumbling, George! We all had to start somewhere...'

It had taken nine months, but Jim was finally ready to go back into his boss's office and claim his raise.

"If it gets tense in here I might need you to step up and BS-calate things."

"Why did you start this war, you lousy, democracy-obsessed Nazi!"

'Heeheehee! My guests will love it!'

Liberia is left behind by a car guided by the 'Road Map To Peace'

Juncker: He Had a Dream...

'Our foreign policy is making me depressed. So let's just stick to screwing up our domestic policy.'

Putin's Russia

"Our max is six M&Ms for poop on the potty but try to hold her to three."

"This'll be our first Christmas together."

Rumors of war...rumors of peace.

'Today the UN issued sanctions against Iran, and Iran issued a fatwa against the UN.'

Ukraine Crisis

Iran Talks - 'Okay...let's see...let's go over your new proposals to seriously resolve grave obstacles to world peace...'

'Shall we talk about your unacceptable behavior or shall we go directly to the penalty phase?'

The free and sovereign republic of the ninth floor.