Tube Toppler Pillows

'How am I going to get all this back in the tube?'

Stepping on clown's shoe...

Ice Skater

"Dude, I'm losing you in this tunnel."

"I'm trying to write a drinking song, but I can't get past the first couple of bars."

Busking during a pandemic

'We have developed an APP we use to import ingredients from the Internet, merge them in the computer, and then download them into the distiller and then just bottle the output.'

'You're a nihilist, eh? — well, at least you have something to believe in.'

'Please Miss, why does 'Earl's Court' have an apostrophe but 'barons Court' doesn't?'

Rodin's Tram Driver

"This wasn't me, it was the bottle talking."

'One second - wo seconds - three seconds - four seconds -one hour...'

'This $10,000 bottle of Bordeaux is also a powerful solvent. It entirely dissolved my savings account.'

'I thought I'd take the train to avoid the congestion charge.'

'This one's called 'Towel stealer'. It's a guest beer.'

'No, you want the next one, change at Camden Town.'

Cops on trains: 'Is that a truncheon, or are you just pleased to see me?'

Visitor to a Landmark Tavern

'Would you like to start with a drink, a menu, or my gratuity.'

"The Christmas tree fairy is socially distancing."

Ballet Beggar.

"Say, do you have the correct moon-phase?"

'So, does your wrist-wearable wine analyzer have anything so say about that Burgundy, like how to get it out of silk?'

'Hello Ms. Russel, I'm going to be late in. I'm being held up at Euston.'

"Am I the only guy at the table who goes back to when this stuff was two hundred and fifty dollars a bottle?"

'Lobbyist from 'Big Wind' here to see you, Senator.'

Tonight: "Ballet." I can't understand it

"You know this is to solve your problems."

"I apply for a grant and all they give me is a big ball and a small ball. Here's what I think of them."

"I sure will be glad when all police departments have been disbanded or defunded. . . all the confederate statues are gone. . . then we all will get along."

London Underground fare dodging

Sam Johnson didn't have to ride the northern line.

Jubilee Line Extension - Sorry mate, we won't be going south of the river.

'Why do I choose to paint with wine?--The clean-up.'

Hooked on spares....