Trusty Patient Pillows

'It's hard to have confidence in a doctor whose office plants don't look very healthy.'

'No, Mr. Simmons, your MR images aren't in yet. We have older equipment, which takes a little longer to process.'

'It's nothing that a few stem cells and 75 years of research can't fix.'

"That's right - 'What doesn't kill me makes me stronger.' You just keep on thinking that..."

'Harvey does all his own 'get well' cards.'

'Good news! Throwing yourself at the mercy of the cholesterol seems to have worked.'

'Admit it,you've been bothering the nurses again,haven't you?

"Good news, Mr. Pickett—it's just a slow leak."

"Hi! My name is Dr. Jenkins and welcome to 'This is your disease'."

"I've never felt better in my life."

"We have adult teeth now, and, as such, they demand adult pain."

'What do you mean, I get a reprieve from my wife's cooking? My wife is a cook here at the hospital.'

'This is a pick 'n' mix ward - you choose your own medicine.'

Taking blood pressure

Give it to me straight, Doc — what's the bottom line?

'Regarding the surgery you just had - I hope you have a good sense of humour.'

"I see there's been an improvement in your athlete's foot."

"You sure have a funny way of making someone feel better."

'-and who's next?'

'I keep getting this RINGING in my ears!'

"...The sun sank slowly in the west. Time slowed down to a crawl, and there was no reason to hurry. The tortoise knew he had time to kill. Haste makes waste, he thought..."

"Not that one...the big one on the top shelf!"

"This is going to be a little invasive."

Chess players covered in cobwebs

'Very funny!'

"It doesn't actually work. But it's a great motivator for people to take better care of their teeth."

'It started with a headache, but not I've got a bedsore from sitting so long in this waiting room!'

'It's just a routine operation, Mr. Bush. No need to have your lawyer present.'

Man sitting in hospital bed notices a Goldfish swimming in his Intravenous Bag.

"The doctor is ready to maltreat you now!"

Man in hospital hitting golf balls into a bedpan.

'Martha's going to give you something now so you won't notice the drilling.'

"I'm afraid they've all got to come out Mr Wilkins."

"Yesterday it was the other side, but today the side effect is this side..."

"You're in luck. My speciality is symptoms that are just crazy."