Trust Issue Ponderer Gifts

"Bad day; I found out that my financial planning is living in his car."

"Excellent, excellent. A fine blend of truths, half-truths, and blatant falsehoods."

"Remember how I've always had a hard time asking for help?"

The Price of Freedom

"Believe me when I tell you that I'm not that honest."

"Your insurance just called. They don't cover 'having a bad day.'"

'Relax, we're letting you go. Your insurance didn't go through.'

"If anything else, it beats bending over!"

"Isn't it true that the prosecution offered you a bone to testify?"

'Just think of one of these as enabling legislation for the golden rule.'

"These are the care instructions. And if things don’t work out, there’s a recipe on the back."

Surgical Self-Service

"My lawyer doesn't trust my agent who doesn't trust the director who doesn't trust the screenwriter who doesn't trust me. All perfectly normal."

Corruption trial in the Vatican

"I'm home, with all my DNA."

'Turn your thinking cap around, Robert.'

30% Heredity, 70% Environment

Biblical Jewish Medical Ethics

"I may have waffled, but I never lip-synched."

"Right, we could go with the ethical decision, but let's not panic yet."

"What's your question for 'Ask Sadie'?" "My mom's in a nursing home. I think someone's stealing her jewelry." "What's the matter, you're afraid someone is stealing your inheritance?" "Simple solution: Send your mother to Japan, where their entire culture reveres the elderly." "Sayonara, grandma!!!" "Are you sure that's not just a stereotype?" "Who cares?!"

'Don't tell me this nonsense doesn't violate the code of bioethics.'

"Since I no longer trust the media. I get all my news from hysterical people on the street."

'Do everything ethically ... within reason, of course.'

"We love your results. We're just a weeny bit concerned about your methods."

Well at least we can handle these rocks.

"Hey, Gary? As a general rule we don't play God up here."

"You cheated on the assignment and got an A? Glad to see you've learned a useful life skill."

"His blood work doesn’t look half as bad as his HMO."

'I'm sorry, sir, this is the department of Immediate Dissatisfaction. Your appointment is with the Bureau of Eternal Frustration.'

"Nothing about selling inside trade secrets?"

Mountains and Molehills

'Of course I'm telling the truth. I only lie to people who pay me!'

'Oh, good - you brought The Broom of Honesty, Dignity and Self Respect.'

"It's another poll asking if we'll ever trust another poll again."