Trust Fund Philosopher Pillows

"I had a low birth weight but a high birthright."

'Whoever said 'The only thing we have to fear is fear itself' never had a room full of angry shareholders.'

'The prevailing wisdom is that markets are always right. I think that luck is always right.'

Wall St. or True Love.

Cat and dog at a will reading.

"Gas. Regular. Premium. Super. You don’t want to know."

'I don't know if money grows on trees, son. I know it doesn't grow in fields.'

Economic Outlook Conference - 'Remember the seating is optimist, pessimist, optimist,...'

'It's crunch time, Caldwell. That's the time between when you're born, and when you make your first million.'

Flat tax - equal burden?

Stockbroker and Psychotherapist: Money won't make you happy and therapy won't make you rich.

"I was a stockbroker first, but when I realized how much time I spent praying, I figured, what the heck?"

"Money is life's report card."

"Yes, I am interested in taking a fresh look at my holdings."

Money god

Economic Downturns

'We were in the right place at the right time but, unfortunately, we were in the wrong time zone.'

'I got a big refund on my income tax.'

"Lucky for you, you died during a bear market."

"Stocks edged lower on the news there's more to life than the accumulation of material things..."

"The problem with capitalism is the unequal sharing of wealth. The problem with socialism is the equal sharing of wealth..."

Accountant Manqué

Portfolio, 2014 - For a richer enjoyment, allow to age.

'I think you need to reboot your fiscal compass.'

'If congress regulates obscene bonuses, isn't that a violation of the first amendment?'

'Well they often get it wrong.'

"I don't know whether to love you or leave you - but then that's the reality of arbitrage."

"No, I don't believe youth is wasted on the young. I believe money is."

"I hope you love me for my money, not for who I am."

'We do spend a lot and tax a lot, but it's the price you pay for living in a money-based economy.'

"The red bars represent the obscene numbers this quarter. The black bars are censoring those red bars."

'I'm a 100% consistent investor. I buy bonds when I should buy stocks when I should buy bonds.'

"If that income is personal, why do I have to tell you about it"?

'It may seem we're sinking deeper into debt, but really we're just experiencing a quarter of negative growth.'

'If money doesn't grow on trees, why do banks have branches?'