Trowel Troubadour Gifts

'This is the dawning of the age of asparagus...!'

"Babe, I'm gonna leave you... It may take a few eons, but I am definitely gonna leave you..."

The No No No's

Children have their campsite ruined by an assortment of farm animals.

Fred's new phone plan included unlimited Dada.

' I gather you wish to reassign your lease, Higgins.'

"This next song is about my self-driving truck leaving me..."

Whatever!

Singer in a boat disturbing the fish.

Musicians

'It's not flying I'm afraid of -- it's driving to the airport!'

"Woke up this morning, forgot my apple id..."

"This one is really gonna blow their minds."

Bricklayer

City & Western.

Triple espresso. Forget it, Uncle Mort. Your doctors said no caffeine. I am not your Uncle Mort, I am someone else altogether. Oh yeah? Who are you? I am … Drinkum … Coffeeman … Worthington-Smythe … of the Florida Coffeeman-Worthington-Smythes. You may have heard of us ... we're a family of um ... Troubadours. I, myself, wrote several ballads for the likes of Sinatra, Pat Boone, and Jimi Hendrix. So if I were to Google that right now, Google would confirm that? Google is an abomination!!! One ge

"This jury finds the accused not guilty provided he tells us where he has hidden the money."

The train on the musical line

'Would you mind blowing into this bag Sir?'

"Yep, I agree: It's pure torture when he plays his harmonica around the campfire..."

Carols

Gypsy busker

"Oh, I always let Howard stuff the turkey....he was a gynecologist you know!"

'What difference does it make - all roads lead to Rome!'

"I'm afraid a computer tech is going to have to be prematurely taken."

Start a miracle

"It started out as my itemized deductions, but it's turned into a novel."

'I'm going to be late dear, the traffic's a mess.'

'I got the ain't nobody texting me blues...'

'Twitter is throwing open the whole world of libel to a radical rethink...'

"He really embodies the soul of mid-level management blues."

"Of course there are termites in the basement - they're our kids."

Too Popular By Half.

"Darling - remind me again - which country are we in?"