Trouble Anticipator Gifts

"Try not to anticipate trouble, Miss Mead."

Push Push Push: sign on maternity ward doors.

"It seems like only yesterday that Dad told me I'll be an adult before I know it."

"Send ME to bed early, will they?"

'Here comes your Daddy - Do you want me to do the talking?'

'Don't look at me!'

'Coulda, woulda, and definitely shoulda.'

A Grade Two student explains why he is so eager to get back to school.

'Well if you're sick of seeing me here, and I'm sick of coming in here,let's call a truce!'

'He's the teacher's pet. She keeps him in a cage in the back of the class.'

'Elroy had an unfortunate knack for picking fights with the wrong people'

'He needs professional HELP!'

'Waiter, there's going to be a fly in my soup!'

Whatever 'shenanigans' are, they must be long. Grandma says there's no end to mine!

'No, Brian, an asteroid impact would never take us by surprise like it did the dinosaurs because we're highly intelligent and they were very stupid and dull-witted.'

'Don't knock it. Since I put the candles up, the computer hasn't crashed all term.'

Till malfunction

"I've half a mind to protest."

Wringing the Monitor

'I went in to get my mortgage renewed. I said: 'Make it for eight months and four days!'. . . Am I only the one who thinks the world ends in December?'

'Our techies assure us no one stole the data. There were no hackers involved. We just lost it, all by ourselves.'

"Don't worry, everybody will be expecting an elephant in the room."

Bar: 'Don't bring your troubles in here...we don't want to hear about it!'

Doomsdayers recycle pamphlets in case they are wrong.

God next to earth 'Sensational offer, last days'

Looking for trouble - Can of worms with a can opener next to it.

'Urgent customer announcement. Is there an EPOS systems programmer in the shop?'

'I had to get a new imaginary friend. The last one was getting me into too much trouble.'

How to deal with wikileaks

J G Farrell

The apocalypse everyone has feared is finally here. Hi, I'm Theron Heir. I write Rudy Park. That's it? A scrawny guy in flip-flops and bermuda shorts, wearing a man-purse? Don't provoke him. Anything can be in that man-purse. I would think the apocalypse would be taller.

"Since you've been here, you've caused nothing but mayhem and and trouble - please, please leave."

Tainted occupations recommended for school bully.

'I don't know, Hideko! To me, this guy is looking for trouble!'

The End Is Near.