
'Think about it, Marvin... If it's the cat's birthday, why is he giving US a cake???'
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'Think about it, Marvin... If it's the cat's birthday, why is he giving US a cake???'
'Is the glass half full, Wally, or half empty?' - 'Oh, oh! Trick question!'
'I didn't dedicate my book, A Lifetime of Wine Tasting, to my 3 ex-wives and nine kids, because they made it possible. I did it because they made it necessary.'
"I'm not here to slay you. I'm here to talk to you about diversifying your investment portfolio."
'Your shoe's untied.'
Molecules You Ought to be Aware of.
'Alright, which one of you wise guys pulled the fire alarm?'
Odd Angles,a monthly strip on coarse angling.
"Don't shave it. It gives your face character."
Harry Potter learns some 'new tricks' on his first day enrolled in a public school.
Victoria's pre-marriage questionnaire continues...'Can I get input from the guys at the bar on this one?'
Primitive magician
Goat about goat: 'He's no longer gruff since he's been on Prozac.'
Candid Camera store.
Some card-game puns
Introducing...Anagraman.
Mystery Solved - Boxers or Briefs, 'Thanks but you could have just told me.'
"... It's just that, when you said you had a couple of tickets to see the big game..."
Yoyo sheep
'Of course he can do tricks...it's just he's got a bad memory.'
"Sorry, dear... I don't have a pumpkin spiced flat white chai latte. I just have this one..."
Next year, we are NOT going to Costco.
Little girl hoses down walkway as Santa slips and falls
"If you think you made a stink pulling the fruit, try pulling His finger."
Man see a sign on door of Clayton's Jokes & Gags Shopee - 'Please Use Second Door To The Right'
'It's the same everywhere: body over brains.'
'Check out the old dude.'
"Got any bathtub gin?"
'First he warms our bowl, now he's feeding us... And you thought he wasn't friendly.'
"Nice try, but I know a squirrel in a bird suit when I see one."
"I'm giving you a 300% salary increase, and four months paid leave."
"For my next trick, I'll need a volunteer, a fake knife, and a mirrored box with a secret compartment."
'It's a zen diaphragm.'
"I can't come in today, I'm feeling like myself."
"POOPIN'! It's the Butt Signal!"
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