Trial Strategist Pillows

'My client pleads 'not guilty,' and since he obviously IS guilty, we're going to use the insanity defense.'

If you're a defendant, this necktie has 'innocent' written all over it.

Trial by Media

"Our new associate asks how much of a fee is too much. Do you want to handle this or shall I laugh in his face?"

"Not guilty but prepared to settle out of court, your honour."

"You can't plead cute."

"Gimme a 'D'! Gimme an 'N'! Gimme an 'A'!"

'Who says justice has to be the only thing on tap?'

The Jose Padilla Experience

"Never mind what I did, Your Honor. I want to be judged for who I am, as an individual."

Prosecution bears the burden of proof. Defense bears the burden of twisting and distorting said proof.

"I must protest, M'Lud. Prosecurity counsel is blantantly attempting to wheedle the truth from the accused."

"Before the defense rests, my client would like to read you a little sonnet he composed about his love for the jury."

"If we learned anything in law school, we learned that you can never have enough wiggle room."

'Your Honor, we've finally agreed on a verdict.'

"May I treat him as a hostile lawyer?"

'Is there any chance I could do the five years vicariously?'

"Twenty five years! But your honor,

"I really wanted to get you off but I didn't want to make a mockery of Justice."

"That settles it. I'm moving for a retrial."

'At first it was a few dollars here and a few dollars there. Then I realized I'd have to pay my lawyer.'

"I object, Your Honor! This line of questioning is really weird."

"Excellent! It's the disclosure documents for your hearing on Monday."

''Not guilty'? -- oh, in denial, are we?'

Counsel's Opinion.

'I believe my trainee is putting together the trial bundle for you now.'

'...youngsters need to be shown how the law REALLY works if they want a career in it!'

"One soft drink and eleven stiff drinks."

'I'd like to sue my way to success.'

'Brain surgery, right?'

"No, he's not grounded anymore. He used his allowance and lawyered up."

"Your honor, we were having so much fun being sequestered, we forgot what the defendant is charged with."

Closing arguments.

Barrister pointing out dozing judge to the jury

"It's clear from the replay that it was a leading question."