Trial Strategist Pillows

'My client pleads 'not guilty,' and since he obviously IS guilty, we're going to use the insanity defense.'

If you're a defendant, this necktie has 'innocent' written all over it.

Trial by Media

"Our new associate asks how much of a fee is too much. Do you want to handle this or shall I laugh in his face?"

"Not guilty but prepared to settle out of court, your honour."

"You can't plead cute."

'Who says justice has to be the only thing on tap?'

"Gimme a 'D'! Gimme an 'N'! Gimme an 'A'!"

"Never mind what I did, Your Honor. I want to be judged for who I am, as an individual."

Prosecution bears the burden of proof. Defense bears the burden of twisting and distorting said proof.

"I must protest, M'Lud. Prosecurity counsel is blantantly attempting to wheedle the truth from the accused."

'Your Honor, we've finally agreed on a verdict.'

"If we learned anything in law school, we learned that you can never have enough wiggle room."

'Is there any chance I could do the five years vicariously?'

"Twenty five years! But your honor,

'At first it was a few dollars here and a few dollars there. Then I realized I'd have to pay my lawyer.'

"May I treat him as a hostile lawyer?"

"That settles it. I'm moving for a retrial."

"I really wanted to get you off but I didn't want to make a mockery of Justice."

"I object, Your Honor! This line of questioning is really weird."

"Excellent! It's the disclosure documents for your hearing on Monday."

Counsel's Opinion.

''Not guilty'? -- oh, in denial, are we?'

'I believe my trainee is putting together the trial bundle for you now.'

"One soft drink and eleven stiff drinks."

'Brain surgery, right?'

'...youngsters need to be shown how the law REALLY works if they want a career in it!'

'I'd like to sue my way to success.'

Closing arguments.

Barrister pointing out dozing judge to the jury

"It's clear from the replay that it was a leading question."

Law school: 'Repeat after me, class 'sue 'em first, or be sued!'

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