Trial Outcome Gifts

I love Lawyers

"Bailiff."

"Not guilty but prepared to settle out of court, your honour."

"Gimme a 'D'! Gimme an 'N'! Gimme an 'A'!"

"Mr. McMurdo has been called 'guilty as the day is long.' And yet, do not biblical scholars tell us a day can mean many things?"

"I've learned something in this trial. My firm needs to hire that prosecutor."

"Never mind what I did, Your Honor. I want to be judged for who I am, as an individual."

Prosecution bears the burden of proof. Defense bears the burden of twisting and distorting said proof.

"Objection! Pummelling the witness."

'Your honor, I'd like a short recess so my client can make a run for it.'

'I couldn't help noticing that nobody swore YOU in!'

"And finally, I implore the jury not to take my clients lack of alibi and blatant lies out of context."

"Just one more outburst and I can have this chicken tenderized."

'No, you weren't there. But in your expert opinion as a certified brainiac, do you think he did it?'

'He started it!'

'It was more than my finest hour, Paltrow. It was my finest billable hour.'

'Your Honor, we've finally agreed on a verdict.'

"Let me tell you, folks—I've been around long enough to develop an instinct for these things, and my client is innocent or I'm very much mistaken."

'You were convicted by the jury, but at least you were acquitted by the media.'

"Twenty five years! But your honor,

Jurors saying 'I'm on the jury' on their mobiles.

"That settles it. I'm moving for a retrial."

"Apparently, you have very little respect for our judicial system, sauntering in here with only one lawyer."

"I object, Your Honor! This line of questioning is really weird."

"Excellent! It's the disclosure documents for your hearing on Monday."

"This jury may not be swayed by any defense that relies on emotion."

Two lawyers in a royal court

'I believe my trainee is putting together the trial bundle for you now.'

'I'm worried since he was chosen jury foreman.'

'Is your verdict unanimous?'

'Great. Another trainee lawyer.'

'Well, son, the justice system depends on finding 12 people who are smart and impartial enough to judge the accused intelligently without malice or favor.'

'After counsel said, 'You did it', the defendant said, 'Did not', followed by a, 'Did too'. . .'

"One soft drink and eleven stiff drinks."

"We find the defendant 'guilty', …. not that there's anything wrong with that."