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'Good thinking.'

'Not Indigent. Just can't afford a life coach, job coach & health coach.'

"We took everything that was nice and got rid of it."

I Hate My Hat Magazine

Contains No Coconut Oil

The Mood Ring

If middle-age birthday cards were honest...

" will enver read that book, and I"m eagerly waiting to avoid the movie."

zero likes t-shirt

'Did you hear that marketing wants us to move into 'compressed liquids' next?'

"Dad, everyone is putting their names on their car! It's about being the coolest you can be!"

"God, I HATE man buns!"

"Nope...your 'Comb Over Ponytail' still isn't trending."

'If I had to use one word to describe our strategy.'

'If he knows so much about stocks and shares, how come he still has to work?'

"(Huff) Here's (huff) your (huff) tea (huff... huff... huff... huff...)" "I will almost certainly regret asking you this, but what on earth are you doing, you cretin?" "All (huff) across America, (huff) office workers are ditching (huff) their desks and walking (huff) on treadmills while they work." "Can I get some water?" "Coming right up." "Good thing I wore my tripping shoes."

'And from what we've been able to determine, this is the tweak that broke the paradigm's back.'

"We made a miscalculation, but it's consistent with our over-all strategy."

'Miss Raleigh. I'm studying megatrends. Bring me some megavitamins.'

"I always end up buying way more black-truffle honey than I intended."

Need a vitaminlike pill, but don't want to risk the side effects? Then try the world's first multivitamin placebo! They don't do any good, but they don't do any harm either.

'In an effort to make this sales meeting more pleasant, I have taken the liberty of rotating our sales graph counter clockwise a full ninety degrees,'

I have decided that all future board meetings will be held before lunch.

Progress?

The contract was not worth the paper it was written on, which considering the paper was not a good sign.

When Downsizing has Gone Too Far...

'If congress regulates obscene bonuses, isn't that a violation of the first amendment?'

'There's no correlation to stock prices. It's just a 'feel good' graph.'

The Bland Leading the Bland

"Enlightenment can only come when you realize there is more to life than gluten free hot sauce."

'And now, Henderson will introduce his 25-part plan on spontaneity.'

'Haffner, we'll have none of your common sense suggestions!'

"This investment will make a pile of money. Of course, a good question is 'for whom?'"

'At least we don't have to worry about getting those as gifts.'